The lies we tell.

From a recent shoot with Bros. Gerard Baking Co.

My 21 year old son is struggling a little these days. He was a graduate of the class of 2020. Yeah. That one. The one where the global epidemic crushed our society and everything changed for everyone.

If I am being honest, I think it is more complex than JUST that. It’s hard to be young and pick a track you want to follow. It’s a lot of pressure to put on an 18 year old to just pick something and follow it.

Back when I was growing up, it seemed there weren’t many options. College felt mandatory. There were less choices for us at that time. So the options felt a little more clear cut.

But we live in strange times. Opportunity seems endless. College, Junior College, Trade schools. And a select few are making money posting their lives online (OR FEET?!?! don’t get me started on this…) Or ridiculous videos. Or dances. The rules have changed. And to a 21 year old, I think it’s confusing. A few people are making easy money. And it’s VERY visible.

We have been lying to these kids…to ourselves. We tell each other things are better than they appear. And we tell each other that all it takes to make it is passion.

It got me to thinking about the phrase “Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” This is absolutely false. I can tell you from my own experience. When I was young, I dreamed of being a photographer. I yearned for it as much as I yearn for water and air. But I never thought I could actually succeed at it. As it turns out, it became a part of my very fulfilling career. But to tell you I don’t work a day in my life is a bald face lie.

I am filled with dread before almost every shoot. What if I fail? What if something goes wrong? How will I make it through 10 hours on my feet? I can’t do this…I suck…

The list is long.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t love what I do. I LOVE it. I am passionate and proud of how much I have accomplished. I am grateful to every client that gives me a chance and every opportunity that pushes me out of my box. But to tell you it doesn’t feel like work is a lie. And an unfair one we are teaching this generation where everything appears better than it is in real life.

I still am guiding my son to follow his passion. But I am reminding him that every job - whether you love it or not - is really hard. And sometimes you have to push through the hard to get to the good parts.

So believe me when I say that I work. I work hard, long, weird hours. I endure things that were never part of this dream (financial, physical, emotional pain…you name it). But through all of this, I am certain that this life - hard or not - is the one I am supposed to be living right now.

The in-betweens

If you ask me, I think we all need to lean into those in-betweens a little more.

This shot was from a recent session with a sweet family I knew casually. I met this little angel (literally, she is the SWEETEST child I have EVER met) a few years back. She had a matter-of-factness about her. Calm, collected, and confident…at 2. I kid you not.

I post this because it’s a classic moment for me on a shoot. These moments are what I call the “in-betweens.” The moments you don’t ask for as a client, but give me a larger story to tell. Most people trust my judgment and let me do my thing. But sometimes I run across clients that have a specific “shot list” and want to stick to it. Sure, we get the family group shots and the portraits. But this time, as we were photographing a portrait of her, I noticed those MEGA lovely lashes and asked mom if I could take a few shots like this. She obliged and I was thrilled.

The problem with sticking to structure - both in photography AND in life - is that you could miss these moments…these in-between the planned parts where life flows a little more freely. If we aren’t careful and stay too structured, we won’t get to swim around in these deeper and delicious moments that I know now are the times we remember best.

The best times in my life with my son (who is now 20) were the in between moments - the times we spent taking road trips, sitting side by side in carpool line, or just randomly going to the beach on a Tuesday evening. They are the times I haven’t forgotten. Our conversations were honest and vulnerable. The moments were never staged or forced. It was a natural. He trusted me in those quiet, spaces - leaning in and letting go of the fact that neither one of us had an expectation. It was usually the times when we were alone, nothing was forced or scheduled like the rest of his teenage life. Just easeful moments letting us both just relax into each other.

I think I need to take more clues from these in-betweens - both as a human and as a photographer. I somewhere lost trust in this very easy moment and sometimes try to please too much instead of shooting and acting like I want to…not like what’s expected of me. I need to trust the flow more and lean into the moments I write blog posts in my PJs with half a cup of coffee in hand about a little girls eyelashes…trust the flow of what comes out because magic happens JUST EXACTLY when I let go of what something should be and let it become what it needs to be.

Connection

“There’s an inexplicable delicateness to your photos…like you put your tender heart into each picture you take.”

Perhaps the best compliment I have ever gotten about my work in one simple sentence.

When my work started looking like I feel on the inside was when I knew I had finally found my style - so to speak. Of course it’s easy to shoot a wedding this way or a family. But the trick is to let yourself come through in those shoots with commercial work. Food. Portraits.

All photos need to have the balance of the client plus the photographer. It’s hard to not let instagram or other people’s work dictate how I portray myself. But with each photo and each moment, I try to put a piece of myself in there.

It’s about connection. No matter what I shoot. Connecting the people to the moment.

Letting joy take the wheel

Recently I was asked about why I haven’t been writing as much lately.

I wish I had a good answer for that. But I don’t. My heart has been a little lighter these days. And writing for me is therapeutic. It has served for these recent years as a way out of the cave of despair. So these days, I have been a little less inspired - so to speak. While I wait for inspiration, my writing is taking on a new voice…one that is a little brighter and lighter.

Oddly, this feels cumbersome and uncomfortable, like an ill fitting pair of underwear you constantly need to adjust. I almost feel like I need to apologize for it.

What.In.The.World??? Where did THAT notion come from?

Where does this notion of joy equate with something I need to make amends for right now? Do we get that message from our parents at a young age? How do we internalize not being worthy of JOY?

I am not sure how to steer the car with confidence riding shotgun instead of that smug bitch, fear, sitting in the front seat controlling and questioning my every move. I am used to the commands she makes and insecurities she dishes out… always making me apologize for myself and suggesting that in some ways, I have gotten what I deserved.

A little joy is a terrifying thing for me. I sit waiting and wondering when it will all come crashing down again. Sitting with joy often makes me feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. She makes me uncomfortable in her kindness.

So while I wait, and wonder, (and perhaps schedule an appointment with my therapist), I will just keep working on how to lose those feelings of Doubt and Fear along this long stretch of highway. I will keep being myself…writing and taking photos along the way. Holding hands and settling in to my new relationship with Joy whenever I can.

While I am here, I will be certain to drive happily by those hitchhikers, Fear and Uncertainty, on the side of the road…not a thought of stopping at the mere sight of them. I’ll have no guilt for speeding by this time. They’ve been in this car on this very stretch of road with me before and honestly, they are horrible passengers.

Magical shoots

Recently someone commented to me about my photos being so spontaneous. Then they asked “how do you get people to DO that?”

Honestly, the answer for me has always been, “I don’t!”

I don’t work on posing clients. I never have. What I do work on is building relationships with my client to put them at ease. That means taking the time to listen to them. That means not watching the clock. That means chatting and playing more than I shoot.

These people invest money in a shoot that will provide memories forever. FOR.E.VER. So, it’s important to me that they look like their authentic selves in the shoot. Happy, relaxed, and joyful.

Wouldn’t it be great if EVERY business, EVERY relationship we approached has this mentality. Wouldn’t it be great if your dentist or accountant was concerned about how you feel in such a stressful situation. I know I would approach things differently if I sat down at my accountants office and she asked how my family was, what was new, or what I planned to do in the coming year. It builds trust. It puts us at ease.

And when people are at ease with me… Well, that’s when the magic happens.

After the Storm...

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up,
I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

After The Storm, by Mumford + Sons

* I have posted the lyrics to this song before. It’s one of my most favorite ballads of all times by one of my most favorite bands ever. I listened to this music during a very hard time for me and remember feeling like it was a life jacket that some threw me in a wild, stormy sea. It still brings me to my knees when I hear it.

A Fresh Future

Fresh Future Farm event for the Charleston Wine + Food Festival, 2017

This past weekend, I got to attend 6 (or more...it's all a haze now) events for the Charleston Wine + Food Festival. One of my dream events was shooting at Fresh Future Farm – an urban farm created as a response to addressing food, health, economic, and environmental disparities. Fresh Future Farm is in the middle of what's known as a food desert in North Charleston - an area where grocery stores have pulled out of the area because these are unprofitable neighborhoods. And as you may well know, grocery stores equate to big business.

So there I was, shooting a farm to table dinner in the middle of a food desert on the cutest little farm I ever did see, with some of the top chefs in the country cooking over open flame and plating up one of the most spectacular meals I witnessed in all the events I attended... maybe even in my whole life. All of it was Inspired food from the region – some of it grown right here in Charleston.

As I stepped away from the event goers and party planners into the field of collards and cabbages, I took a moment to appreciate where I was and what this meant.... For me. For the community. It was all a little overwhelming to be honest. Not only am I doing PRECISELY what I loved (HELLLOOOOOO.... farm, food, & people are my intersectional bliss), but I was getting to witness it being done for a cause that mattered. I saw community coming together and chefs making magic.  Suddenly, my heart felt fuller than the bellies of those lucky little diners.

I am lucky to do what I do every day. It's not easy. It doesn't come with all these romantic notions of love and grandeur and cups that runneth over. Don't be deceived. This work is hard. It's relentless hustling and constant let down. It's time away on the weekends and tired muscles from walking with too much gear. But it's what fills my soul. Especially when it intersects with moments like this.

I am forever grateful for this job, this life, and this continuously unrelenting call that hasn't left me since I first picked up a camera at the age of 12. I love what I do. But today, I feel inspired and incredibly lucky to just be here...basking in the aftermath of it all.

Thanks CHSWFF2017. I can't wait to see what you cook up for next year!

A Few Things

Henrietta's @ The Dewberry

Dandy Boutique

Plate South

Peyton William Jewelry @ Freshfields Village

Charleston Shop Curator and Freshfields Village

Prohibition Restaurant

Charleston Hematology Oncology Associates

It's been hard to keep up with what I am working on these days. My job takes me from babies to brunches to beautiful women and everything in between.  I am months behind on blog posts and image posts and all the things I want to tell everyone about each amazing day I had - every one seemingly better than the one before it. Here is a short view of some of my latest shoots. I love every delicious bit of my work and I am always grateful I get to carry a camera around with me and take photos of the BEST things in the world!

Remember this...

Happy 1st Birthday, Baby Sam!

Remember this.

Every day is important. Each and every moment is significant - the small ones and the big ones. Don't forget that. Document what you can. And print your memories. Save them. Treasure them and keep them close. Because in a blink of an eye those babies are celebrating their first birthday. Or in 3rd grade. Or thirteen going on thirty. And you have no idea how you got here. You have no concept of how to keep up with them and stop time from slipping through your fingers. It's like holding water in your open hands.

If you asked me - even before I was a professional photographer - I would have told you the same thing I would tell you today: take those photos, print them out, save them, and honor them like the priceless treasures they are. That way, when you can't remember what silly face they made when they were 2 or the way their sweet lips looked curiously, the photos will at least give you some way of finding that memory you tucked away for all those years ago.

So capture it all. Those precious first days of school. Homework in February. Celebratory swim meets. Ordinary afternoons. They are all significant.

They are all worth remembering.

Behind the scenes

Today was filled with lots and lots of busy work. There was editing and emails (oh so many emails). And then I had a product shot to set up in my house. It is a little known fact, but I really love to do these sort of styled product shots. And honestly, I think I nailed it.

And while I do love the product shot, I really love a behind the scenes shot of how it all went down. While I'd like for you to believe I have some amazing product photography set up in my private studio,  the reality is that I set it up on my dining room floor, next the the pile of laundry that needs to be put away and my makeshift little bar. What you don't see is my trusty intern, marauding array of animals (both welcomed and not so much welcomed), a spilled water glass and some seriously frayed nerves.

Regardless, it's still fun to have a looksee behind the scenes. And always remember how much of our lives we get to curate on a daily basis my friends. It's really a real lot.

In other news, you really need to check out my friends over at Best Kept Self. (That's who this sweet little product shot is for). They are the real deal and do an amazing job with everything they do. I am currently working with their nutritionist, Jessie, to get myself in better shape health wise. And wow! What a difference I can already feel! Seriously. Get on over there and sign up for all things great.

The Textures of Mexico

"I search for the realness, the real feeling of a subject, all the texture around it... I always want to see the third dimension of something... I want to come alive with the object."  - Andrew Wyeth

I love to travel. I love to see the world and witness the details - large and small - that make the place unique. The new and different landscape, varied people, and even the architecture leave me awestruck...like a child on there first trip to a candy story. Every turn leads to a new discovery that paints a picture for me of new and distinct and varied culture of each new place.

Recently, I was lucky enough to spend a week in Mexico on the Mayan Riveria. The fabric of Mexico is rich in texture and alive with color and culture. I could have stayed months wandering around little pueblos, breathing into the spaces of their real, authentic, everyday life. To me, the best parts are where the people really are living their every day lives - shopping, eating, or simply sitting around, watching the days go by...and simply lingering in the fabric of the place they call home.

Selling her goods.

Catching a lift.

Layers and layers.

I love the plant life. It amazes me.

Chichén Itzá.

The local barber. Closed for Siesta.

Our pool. Azul.

So many tiny details.

Coconut trees. Everywhere.

The colors of the sea made me want to redecorate my house.

These bikes. This sign. :)

The architecture was incredible. I could have studied it for hours.

Beach cabana.

The colors. Everywhere. So vivid and bright.