Pushing my Limits

I have been pushing my limits this year.

Not to toot my own horn…none of these things have been life altering boundaries or obstacles. But I have continued to do the things that I thought were beyond me. I overcome some pretty big hurdles that I kept me in the zone of “this can’t be done” and pushed me right over to the “well look at me go!” side of things.

Honestly, I am surprising myself.

Most of it has been professional….and a few personal hurdles have been scattered around there. What I find most jarring though all this growth is how stuck I am in so many old beliefs…those old stories that just don’t seem to want to quit nagging my brain.

Why can’t I see that they are just like the email I got about a button not working on a website or incorporating new techniques into video edits. All these things are just challenges…little and large puzzles to be solved.

I guess it all sums up to what we give power to. The things that we feel small around are often the things that make us run and hide like a little girl hearing overhearing her parents arguing or a dog looking for it’s safe place a thunderstorm.

I am working hard at unlocking the puzzle of power within my own self this year. Things I want to know are things like where and when we hand it over, why we feel powerless, what makes us quake in our boots, and mostly, how to grab it back. What I don’t want is to feel a toddler fighting to get back his little toy train. I want to stand with presence in the face of fear…a calm knowing that I can bravely reclaim myself, my space, and my bravery.

All so I can just simply reclaim my power.

The lies we tell.

From a recent shoot with Bros. Gerard Baking Co.

My 21 year old son is struggling a little these days. He was a graduate of the class of 2020. Yeah. That one. The one where the global epidemic crushed our society and everything changed for everyone.

If I am being honest, I think it is more complex than JUST that. It’s hard to be young and pick a track you want to follow. It’s a lot of pressure to put on an 18 year old to just pick something and follow it.

Back when I was growing up, it seemed there weren’t many options. College felt mandatory. There were less choices for us at that time. So the options felt a little more clear cut.

But we live in strange times. Opportunity seems endless. College, Junior College, Trade schools. And a select few are making money posting their lives online (OR FEET?!?! don’t get me started on this…) Or ridiculous videos. Or dances. The rules have changed. And to a 21 year old, I think it’s confusing. A few people are making easy money. And it’s VERY visible.

We have been lying to these kids…to ourselves. We tell each other things are better than they appear. And we tell each other that all it takes to make it is passion.

It got me to thinking about the phrase “Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” This is absolutely false. I can tell you from my own experience. When I was young, I dreamed of being a photographer. I yearned for it as much as I yearn for water and air. But I never thought I could actually succeed at it. As it turns out, it became a part of my very fulfilling career. But to tell you I don’t work a day in my life is a bald face lie.

I am filled with dread before almost every shoot. What if I fail? What if something goes wrong? How will I make it through 10 hours on my feet? I can’t do this…I suck…

The list is long.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t love what I do. I LOVE it. I am passionate and proud of how much I have accomplished. I am grateful to every client that gives me a chance and every opportunity that pushes me out of my box. But to tell you it doesn’t feel like work is a lie. And an unfair one we are teaching this generation where everything appears better than it is in real life.

I still am guiding my son to follow his passion. But I am reminding him that every job - whether you love it or not - is really hard. And sometimes you have to push through the hard to get to the good parts.

So believe me when I say that I work. I work hard, long, weird hours. I endure things that were never part of this dream (financial, physical, emotional pain…you name it). But through all of this, I am certain that this life - hard or not - is the one I am supposed to be living right now.

Some work lately

DoubleDay Aviation, Greenville, SC

Sometimes I forget that people follow me for professional purposes. I tend to use this blog as a personal diary of sorts.

Today, I have decided to share some of my more recent work. It’s nice to see the other side. I always had the idea that if people wanted to know what I shoot, they could look at my portfolio. The blog was my place to let the “in between” moments come to life. But life happens and portfolios don’t always get updated. So here we are.

Regardless, I am always grateful for clients that hire me - whether it’s for commercial shoots or personal reasons like a new baby, a wedding or even some family photos. I have wanted to take photos all my life…and somehow, that dream is happening.

Libby

Harper General Contractors, Greenville, SC

Rita’s Roots, Charleston, SC

DoubleDay Aviation, Greenville, SC

Helena Fox for South State Bank, Charleston, SC

Ty’s Roadside Coastal Kitchen, Mt. Pleasant, SC

Lee + John, Charleston SC

Harper General Contractors, Greenville, SC

Connection

This week, I took some lifestyle photos for a place that is near and dear to me - The Cooper School. I have taught art here. I have photographed these kids for years. I have designed collateral for them. I even sent my child to school here when he was younger. To say I understand the workings of this place would be an understatement.

It’s always fun when people trust you to tell their story - no matter what it is. But there is something truly special about a place that lets you back again and again to capture them both as they are and as you know them.

I don’t take for granted the families that come to me over and over again to tell their family story. Or the businesses that hire me year in and year out to photograph their staff, their day to day activities. It’s a special thing to be trusted like that.

And it’s a special thing to fall in love with your clients. In my opinion, it’s not the technical aspect of the job that tells the story. It’s not the fancy camera or the high end lenses or lighting. it’s not even assistants or other people on the job. It’s the connection.

And it’s that connection always makes for the best photos.

Freedom

My schedule allows for LOTS of days like this right now. I am very lucky. And more free than I know.

I was recently having coffee with a friend. Sitting in the cooler breeze of the day, we sat talking about life and kids and future goals for ourselves.

She looked at me and asked me “If you could have anything you want in this world, what would it be?”

Without hesitation, I calmly and mindfully said “Freedom.” Which, in truth, caught me off guard. She looked at me curiously and said “That’s an interesting answer…what do you mean by ‘freedom’?”

I recoiled. I knew I couldn’t articulate what I felt very well, perhaps because I wasn’t sure what I even meant. On the outside, I have a lot of freedom. My days are flexible. My schedule is mine. I can work as hard as I choose. But there is a tradeoff to that kind of freedom. As a photographer, you are at the mercy of the seasons, weather, budgets…the list goes on. So you really aren’t totally in control of your schedule. I work weekends often - especially in the fall when happy families line up for polished photos for their Christmas cards. It’s a trade off that I embrace. I love showing people the best version of themselves. I love shooting the best of what something is - be it food, families or just life floating by.

In truth, the freedom I wanted to feel wasn’t any of this. And I need to be honest with myself. What I was hoping for the most when I calmly and evenly said “Freedom” was emotional freedom…and if I am being honest, that is something I don’t know that I have ever felt.

I want Freedom. Freedom from anxiety. Freedom from worry. Freedom from being beholden to what others expectations of me are. Freedom from the petite prison I put myself in because I think I am not enough. And if I am being honest, that is where I am headed. It has nothing to do with anything else really.

When we continued our conversation, I said “I guess it sounds silly, because I feel very free. I have a great schedule. I have a good life and a lot to be grateful for. So many people are so much worse off than me. I guess financial freedom is what I am talking about.” It was an easy out and a quick cover for something I was so convicted about. At the time I wasn’t wholly sure of what I really meant. I thought on it a lot and let the answer come to me in truth.

So now I know the answer to my deepest desires. It’s not things. It’s . What I want most in this world is, indeed, Freedom. I want to let it all go and just be me. That’s what I meant. That’s what my heart wants.

Rejects

I just found this photo in a folder labeled “REJECTS.” There is nothing inherently wrong with the photo. It’s clear, balanced, and in focus. The content is pretty and good. Maybe a little color balance would be good, but all in all a good photo.

Perhaps it wasn’t exactly what the client was looking for. Maybe there was a better choice in this particular set. It feels like a good photograph in general. But why was it labeled a “REJECT?”

It got me to thinking…do we do this to ourselves? Why are we so quick to dismiss something because it’s not perfect? So many photos don’t see the light of day because they weren’t JUST RIGHT. But this photo seemed pretty good.

Most days my hair looks fine - not great. My face good enough - not perfect. But that’s life. And what actually is perfect? What is great? Perfection, greatness….it’s all in the eyes of the beholder.

So today, I give myself permission to be okay…fine…good enough. And I promise to stop putting myself in the REJECT pile. Because beauty is always seen differently by each one of us.

2019

Here we are…2020. And I am just now getting around to reflecting on the past year.

Last year was BIG…capital B-I-G. I mean that in so many ways, too. Not just professionally speaking.

As many years go, I felt a tremendous amount of growth, both personally and professionally. My life seems to be taking shape into something I had always hoped for in so many ways. WHOOP WHOOP! I have been a full time, self-employed photographer and designer FOR 18 YEARS NOW! That’s nothing to sneeze at.

This year felt more focused and found some clarity along the way. I nailed down some amazing jobs…and experienced some awesome work and new client relationships. It was a year I worked hard for things I wanted desperately and a year I consciously stepped away from some experiences that weren’t serving me. Lessons were learned. And life went on.

So here is a sprinkling of what went down this past year. A little of everything - food and families, weddings and wine events, and a lot of hard work and growth.

Here’s to gratitude for amazing endings and fresh new beginnings, to living and learning, and to loving what you do. Happy New Year everyone!

82 Queen

Charleston Wine + Food Festival

Charleston Shop Curator @ Freshfields Village

Bjork Family shoot

Plate South - Strata

Mr. + Mrs. Wilson

Skirt Charleston

Skirt Charleston - Giving Thanks.

The Buencaminos for Vineyard Vines

Lyn Tally

The Barbers

Porter-Gaud Magazine

Giving Thanks article for Skirt.

Poe Family Shoot

Restaurant Tu

Tu - Interior shot

Plate South - Strawberry Rhubarb Crumble

Walker Family shoot

Lewis Barbecue for Charleston Magazine

Women in Construction for Skirt Magazine.

Women and Bruce @ The Charleston Music Hall

My Best Life

Shooting on farm with sunflowers and toddlers...this is my best life.

Right now, I am living my best life.

Wait...I take that back.

I am living my 95% life.

The reason for the 95%...because I always hope there is room for improvement. I hope there is always space in my life for the phrase, "I can do better." If I think about it, that IS my best life. Always striving for something greater. Otherwise we become complacent, right? We become comfortable. And that is where we stop growing.

I have had an amazing year this past year. I have worked in situations I only thought would exist in my dreams. I have worked with clients who share my vision and style. I have worked with missions that I truly and whole-heartedly believe in. I have photographed things I only fantasized over. I have told stories and taken photos of people, places, and things that make me pinch myself in hopes that I really won't wake up from this incredible dream.

I never thought the possibility was real for me to live my best life. Somewhere along the line, I stopped believing. I believed I wasn't enough - good enough, strong enough, thoughtful enough, skinny enough, pretty enough. But somewhere deep in my soul, I believed there was more waiting for me. There was a little ember of hope burning on my belly, not put out by the wet blanket of self criticism. I believed those dreams could actually happen. I stopped hearing the voice that said "give up...you can't do this." I leaned in to trust. I leaned into the fear. I pushed through. I gave it one more try.

Every day I wake up and am happy to do what I do. Don't get me wrong, this is still a job. It has it's moments. And it has come with it's own set of massive sacrifices (ohhhhh...the sacrifices). But I am happy...at least 95% happy.

It has taken a long time to get here. I have made mistakes. I have lived with crippling anxiety and depression. I have failed miserably...wow, have I failed. But all of that has brought me to this place where I can appreciate the complexity of what makes life feel good.

Will I screw up again? Most definitely. Will I be afraid and paralyzed? Absolutely! Will I know how to get up and dust myself off again? You can count on it!

Today, I am opening myself up to possibility. The possibility of hope, failure, success, despair, highs, lows. All of it. Because without all of that, I am not growing or challenging myself. I am not changing. I am not moving forward, knocking off that last 5%.

But if I have to be honest, I will be happy to settle in where I am... Always pushing. Always dreaming. Never settling.

Lately

I have been more quiet than usual this fall and winter. I have been working on some exciting projects and new ventures. Thankfully, quiet = busy… at least for right now.

One of the projects I have hit the ground hard on is a book on saving seeds I am working on with my good friend Julie of Julie's Garden Delights. I liken this project to a type of step by step for seed saving gardeners which has taken me literally from Spartanburg to Charleston and everywhere in between. I have learned so much on this project - not just about seeds and gardening, but about myself and my work. I love when a project comes along and changes everything, don't you?

Here are some images for you to see. I have no idea what's been rejected, but images of vegetables never disappoint! Special shout out the the folks at Charleston Parks Conservancy for my all access pass to their gardens!

Muddling through

This new momma has got this motherhood thing down.

We all want to look like pros at whatever task we are handling - work, make up, dinner, motherhood. But in reality, most of us are faking it along the way - sort of like we do those first few weeks with our brand new baby. It's excited, exhausting, and exhilarating, but in reality, we are just winging it all hoping for the best outcome. Even though it all looks happy and easy on the outside, we are still on shaky feet behind closed doors.

Truly, I think it mostly works when we "fake it 'til we make it"... that is until something big comes along and gently reminds us that, in truth, it's all overwhelming. 

Just remember...the moment you feel like you are out of your league, stop, look around, and remember that you've already gotten this far in life and done just fine. All you have to do now is keep going. And truly, while it may not always look like this on the outside, nobody else really knows what they are doing either. Take comfort in knowing you have muddled your way through more than one time in your life and I am certain you can do it again.

Little chicken

My dad used to call me little chicken growing up (one of the more endearing nicknames he had for all of us.) Every time he said it, this is exactly what I pictured in my head: strong hands protecting his little fluffy, vulnerable babies. Some days, this is all I want...strong hands gently holding me until I am ready to fly away, but always open and waiting for me as a safe place to land once again.

A Few Things

Henrietta's @ The Dewberry

Dandy Boutique

Plate South

Peyton William Jewelry @ Freshfields Village

Charleston Shop Curator and Freshfields Village

Prohibition Restaurant

Charleston Hematology Oncology Associates

It's been hard to keep up with what I am working on these days. My job takes me from babies to brunches to beautiful women and everything in between.  I am months behind on blog posts and image posts and all the things I want to tell everyone about each amazing day I had - every one seemingly better than the one before it. Here is a short view of some of my latest shoots. I love every delicious bit of my work and I am always grateful I get to carry a camera around with me and take photos of the BEST things in the world!

New Happenings

So....things have little topsy turvy this summer to say the least. That's not to say they are bad...just a little more messy than I am used to.

You see, this summer I decided to embark on a passion project I have been working up in my head for some time now. I decided to take some things I am very passionate about and combine them into one place where my skill set could grow and flourish. Sometimes as creatives, we don't get the projects that showcase our best work, so instead of waiting for the opportunity, I decided to make the opportunity. And so, Plate South was born. 
 

Lowcountry Boil....gone wild!

Plate South is a blog that I have created for my very own selfish purposes. I have always been a huge fan of photographing people and their stories as well as lifestyle around those stories. And I love food - I mean, really...who doesn't? I really love food photography as well. So I created a blog designed to highlight all the talents I have as a photographer, a writer, a designer and a foodie.

Plate South is about the culture of food in the South. It's about eating. It's about dining out. It's about the makers and the purveyors. It's about the markets and the recipes. It's about everything that makes up the growing, evolving, changing food scene we are now experiencing as a culture. 
 

This is Eddie. You should read about him on the blog. He was an amazing character to interview!

This blog is for me. But it's also for you. If you are passionate about food or southern food or food photography, this is something to follow.

I am still for hire. I REPEAT...I AM STILL FOR HIRE! This is just something I am doing as a side project for myself to showcase to you some of the talents I have as a photographer. So enjoy the blog and read along. You are sure to find some little nugget of what you like along the way.
 

Oysters from Coastal Provisions....deeeeelicious!

Let me know what you think and what I can do to make it better! If you have an idea, feel free to call me and let me know! I'd love your feedback!

Much love! And thanks for all the support, friends!

Libby

The Intersection of Joy and Work.

I had a great time shooting this series for Dandy Boutique here in Charleston recently. The photos are so happy, bright and joyful. And that Venita sure can have a good time on a shoot. She is like a pre-packaged party for 1!

This shoot was so fun and light that it got me thinking a lot about the intersection of joy and work. This is not something people are lucky to have. Some people have very serious jobs (hello and thank you, doctors of the world) that require some often sensitive and precarious interactions. So how do you create joy wherever you are in life, despite what is happening all around you?

I think that answer is as varied as the jobs in the world. For, me it boils down to a few essential things. I know gratitude helps me a lot. And knowing I am only a small part of a bigger plan in this universe also can get me through the harder and more serious times like when I am focused on the drudgery of taxes and bills and broken computers. But I believe it's different for all of us. Sometimes a good cup of coffee might actually change your whole day.

I don't think joy is a permanent thing - every day has good points and not-so-good points. But knowing that I am doing something I love every day certainly helps me enjoy the better part of my life and focus on the parts that aren't so bad after all.

So I believe the joy is there. Sometimes it hides behind the little things. But I do believe it's always there, just waiting to come out and play.

A Collection of My Favorites, 2015 - Commercial Work Edition

Bad Bitches, Body Image Campaign

Ashley Hall School, spring magazine shoot

Beth, Founder of Bendy Brewski

City Paper, Hurling article

Workbench, City Paper Article

Charleston Shop Curator, blog shoot

Charleston Shop Curator, Scout Guide

Bad Bitches, Body Image Campaign

The Farmer & The Chef, promotional portrait

Benji, portrait for Charleston City Paper

Above is by far some of my favorite work from 2015. There were a few times over the course of this year I literally wanted to pinch myself when I realized more than once I was doing exactly what it was I set out to do originally.

Next year I can only hope to further this endeavor I set out on years ago, camera in hand, hopes as high as the mountains. I can hardly wait to see what 2016 brings!

Special thanks to all those who believe in me, support me, and encourage me every step of the way. I love this job of mine.

The Bad Bitches

I recently got a phone call from an amazing group of women here in town called the Bad Bitches. This all-female organization is tied together by their love of all things food. Not only are they hosting exciting and highly sought-after pop-up events around the city, but 100% of their ticket sales go to women in need of assistance to establish themselves in the culinary field. So it's food + feel good! Two of my very favorite things!

As they started on their mission this past year to host events around the city and through all their interviews and discussions, conversations began to pop up that never seemed to get asked of their male counterparts. Questions like "How do you keep your figure?" "Do you eat everything you make?" or "Do you ever feel guilty about eating so much?" began creeping into the conversation. So they decided to answer these questions with an EPIC social media campaign on Instagram: Bad Bitches Talk Body.

When I got the email asking if I'd be interested in supporting them on this storytelling mission, I almost jumped into my car to hug founder of Bad Bitched founder, Sarah Adams, immediately. It was like everything I had ever wanted, worked for, loved and desired came into focus all of a sudden. All the things I love and people I admire were coming together to talk about something near and dear to my heart - body image.

We photographed and interviewed 17 women in one day. Seventeen. All of them came and brought something to the table that was uniquely them and unique to their story about body image. Some of them had struggles. Some of them kicked worry to the curb. But the one thing they share - they are all beautiful in all the ways they should be. Every one of them.

Each story is as uniquely inspiring as each of these women, stripped bare and speaking of the issues they face as women in the food industry. They are all interesting. They are all worth reading. Mostly though, they are all worth getting to know.

"People who love to eat are always the best people!" -Julia Child
 

This is depression.

I recently got to shoot some very special portraits for a music feature in the Charleston City Paper on local comeback musician, Benji Lee. The weird part, however, was the shoot and the article really weren't focused at all on his music, his drumming, or even his comeback to the local music scene. The article focused acutely and specifically on his depression.

In my all-too-short time with Benji, we were on a fast track to get to know each other (shooting editorial will do that to you). I don't think there would have been any other way for either of us, though. We became immediate friends. I picked Benji up north on the peninsula of Charleston and we took as short drive to some old, rusty storage shed for the horse drawn carriages near the waterfront. I needed a spot that was a little imperfect. Not the "South of Broad" facade my typical clients request. I needed something real and honest and gritty. I needed something to reflect what I was about to see spilled open in front of my very eyes.

In so many ways, I feel more connected to this shoot I did with Benji than any other shoot I have done in a while. His pure candor and sheer honesty made me want to show more. His humility and gentle spirit made me want to linger all afternoon - asking questions and picking his brain.  I wanted to photograph his insides. His heart and soul. I wanted to show his truth.

So on that steamy afternoon, I found a shady spot to spend a short time with my new hero. He would most likely shun that label, but I think Benji is a brave soldier - fighting the battle every day with depression...slugging it out with himself and still standing strong in the face of one of the worst diseases of all.

If you care to ready about Benji and his battle, check out the Charleston City Paper this week.

In the mean time, warrior on, brave souls. Warrior on.

Support Staff

Our cat, Fez (or Mrs. Fezziwig if we are being formal) has taken up residence on my desk for her daytime naps now (mmmhmmmm...it's super convenient). I am not gonna lie. I feel a little hijacked by her constant watch and grooming schedule. She keeps one eye and 2 ears on me all day - sleeping while I type, napping while I design, watching while I edit photos or write. If I get up, she is very aware of my movements. She seems intent on being close, which make me wonder what is happening in that tiny body. Is it her advanced age that makes her need to be near me? Is it her way of making peace with me for peeing on my curtains? Or is it her way of making sure no food opportunity gets by her? Regardless, she is staying uncomfortably close these days.

I am fascinated by what brings creatures the comfort they seek. As I type, my Golden Retriever sits a yard away. The cat is sleeping peacefully by my left hand. Our black mix dog, Sasha, sits by my right foot. None of the spots look particularly comfortable. But they are all within immediate view of me. I am their person. I bring them food, water, access to the Great Outdoors, adventure, treats and everything in between. They seem to love being as close as possible at most times of the day.

I supposed I get the same comfort from them, too. I listen to them sigh, pat them on the head as I walk by them, and offer them words of kindness and praise when I can. Maybe, in a way, I am offering this to myself as much as anyone. Could it be that it's me who is getting the comfort from them while they diligently do their jobs keeping watch? Perhaps they know my needs more than I really do.

So I guess it's not so bad after all having a napper at my left and two on my right throughout the long days at my desk. It's probably what I needed all this time to get through these longer days - a little extra encouragement and a little more love to make it through editing, designing, writing and facebooking  with a little extra support by my side.

Beauty

"Beauty is not in the face. Beauty is a light in the heart." Kahlil Gibran

My beautiful girl Andrea Serrano, from Charleston Shop Curator. She is beautiful inside and out.

Happy Feet.

Sunshine. Blue skies. And happy little baby feet.  I couldn't ask for a better day if I tried!