The in-betweens

If you ask me, I think we all need to lean into those in-betweens a little more.

This shot was from a recent session with a sweet family I knew casually. I met this little angel (literally, she is the SWEETEST child I have EVER met) a few years back. She had a matter-of-factness about her. Calm, collected, and confident…at 2. I kid you not.

I post this because it’s a classic moment for me on a shoot. These moments are what I call the “in-betweens.” The moments you don’t ask for as a client, but give me a larger story to tell. Most people trust my judgment and let me do my thing. But sometimes I run across clients that have a specific “shot list” and want to stick to it. Sure, we get the family group shots and the portraits. But this time, as we were photographing a portrait of her, I noticed those MEGA lovely lashes and asked mom if I could take a few shots like this. She obliged and I was thrilled.

The problem with sticking to structure - both in photography AND in life - is that you could miss these moments…these in-between the planned parts where life flows a little more freely. If we aren’t careful and stay too structured, we won’t get to swim around in these deeper and delicious moments that I know now are the times we remember best.

The best times in my life with my son (who is now 20) were the in between moments - the times we spent taking road trips, sitting side by side in carpool line, or just randomly going to the beach on a Tuesday evening. They are the times I haven’t forgotten. Our conversations were honest and vulnerable. The moments were never staged or forced. It was a natural. He trusted me in those quiet, spaces - leaning in and letting go of the fact that neither one of us had an expectation. It was usually the times when we were alone, nothing was forced or scheduled like the rest of his teenage life. Just easeful moments letting us both just relax into each other.

I think I need to take more clues from these in-betweens - both as a human and as a photographer. I somewhere lost trust in this very easy moment and sometimes try to please too much instead of shooting and acting like I want to…not like what’s expected of me. I need to trust the flow more and lean into the moments I write blog posts in my PJs with half a cup of coffee in hand about a little girls eyelashes…trust the flow of what comes out because magic happens JUST EXACTLY when I let go of what something should be and let it become what it needs to be.

Inside Out

How do you see yourself?

Do you see what you truly are…not just physically, but the whole you? Do you see the parts of you on the inside and on the outside.

When I photograph people, sometimes they tell me “can you make me…?” which is always followed by something we are insecure about…”Taller.” “Thinner.” “Less bald.” “Bigger boobs.” “Cover my butt.” “Only from the waist up please.” “I hate my arms.”

But wouldn’t it be better if we looked at someone and said “can you capture who I am on the inside. Not just on the outside. I want the world to see all of me…not just what I look like.” Show our insides on our outsides. Show us inside out. Not just outside out.

I struggle to be in front of the camera for all the reasons I am stating here. I am insecure about how I look sometimes. But I never look at other people this way. I only see who they are in a photograph. I try to approach my photography this way…from my heart. I do it so I can see all of the subject. Not just what someone looks like on the outside, but who they really are…their character and their humanity. Their vulnerability and their strength.

So next time you get your picture taken, ask that photographer to take your photo inside-out and see what they say. You might be surprised at the result…

Simply the Best

“In your heart I see the start of every night and every day
In your eyes, I get lost, I get washed away
Just as long as I'm here in your arms
I could be in no better place

You're simply the best
Better than all the rest
Better than anyone
Anyone I ever met…”

Tina Turner

I am ready

A quick story.

On a visit to the upstate, we were coming back from a quick grocery store trip and I suddenly yelled to my sweet, obliging driver “PULL OVER!”

“Really?”

“Yes. I want to take a picture.”

This is a repeated story in my life. Only, up until a few months ago, I didn’t really do it. I just wanted to.

I have spent most of my life trying to live small. I was afraid - afraid of inconveniencing everyone around me, afraid of being too high maintenance, afraid of having needs and wants.

I am not sure what to attribute to this newfound confidence and voice. Is it a new relationship that has me seeing things differently - including myself (or rather, especially myself)? Is it my ripening age? Or is it that I have finally had it with putting my life on hold? Whatever the reasons, I am happy to speak my needs and shout out for the opportunities that have so often passed me by fields on a country backroad.

So many things whiz by you when you don’t speak up. Jobs. Love. Even simple photos of old, decaying barns that perhaps I just want. Living small is just not worth it. I have paused my life for so many people and I am ready, finally, to live for myself.

I am ready…finally.

After the Storm...

And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up,
I look up,
on my knees and out of luck,
I look up.

After The Storm, by Mumford + Sons

* I have posted the lyrics to this song before. It’s one of my most favorite ballads of all times by one of my most favorite bands ever. I listened to this music during a very hard time for me and remember feeling like it was a life jacket that some threw me in a wild, stormy sea. It still brings me to my knees when I hear it.

Throwback

I took this photo towards the beginning of the summer. My son came with me on a family shoot I had scheduled weeks prior and the weather was too nice to leave him at home - even though he wasn't super interested in coming with me.

I love stumbling across photos you forgot about...old ones and new ones. It sharpens the memories a little more so they aren't lost in the back of my mind as I shop for groceries or schedule vet appointments. These overlooked little gems are like tiny diamonds, once again cutting open that forgotten pathway to my heart.

Looking back at this photo, I can almost smell the ocean. I can feel the humid evening wind as it gently tousles his hair to and fro. I can remember the milky light that evening and the warmth of the sea. It all just comes back - melting into one memory and sealing it's way into my heart once again.