Fill me up

The clarity I get from being by water is unmatched. Moving water. Stormy water. Calm water. It all comforts me.

I have needed to be close to the water lately. But somehow I am denying myself this simple pleasure. The simple joy of doing something that fills my soul up is exactly what I am depriving it of. But why? Why do we hide from pleasure and hide from joy? Why do I dodge something that fills my soul?

Of course, for me parts of this are rooted in the fear of over indulgence…or at least appearing to be over indulging (pretty hard to avoid as a chubby middle aged lady). Hustle culture has gotten so real and if I can be real for a minute - I hate it. What if I want to feel good for a minute? A month? A millenium? But what message will that send to the universe? And (horrors), what will everyone think of me if I do something (or too much) for myself?

Isn’t it time we put down the need to prove ourselves to anyone but our self? Shouldn’t SELF come first? I am all about the hard work…but it’s been at the cost of my own sanity. I am fearful I have forgotten the importance of where I begin. I have become a prisoner to proving myself to others.

In this next year of my life, I am choosing to find joy. Fill my own cup. Wait for no person and put nothing before me. Recovering from a bad illness this month (I’m looking at you COVID) and battling a life long one is only making it more obvious every day and every moment that I need to choose me first.

So if you need me, look for me here - by the water. Or in the sunshine. Or even under a lovely canopy of trees. And if I am smiling alone, know that I have once again found space for me.

Summertime

A little look at our iPhone summer.

Summertime in Charleston is full of beach days and pool time, flip flops and wet swimsuits, picnics and prosecco.

We don't always have the budget to travel to exotic locations every year or to go on exciting adventures every weekend. But we do have the budget to go to the beach for a few hours to ride the waves, search for sharks teeth (my new summer obsession) or watch a few sherbet-colored clouds float by the fading summer sky.

We get to dance for a little while longer under these lovely, lingering summer skies. And I plan on doing more of this. More meals by the sea. More days lived by the rhythm of the waves. More schedules set by sunrises and sunsets. And come August 15th, I will sigh a little more heavily as our once simple days wash out in the waves once more.