There was heaviness in the air that morning. So many things felt unsettled. It was the morning after the riots following the tragic death of George Floyd. I couldn’t sit still. I felt uneasy. Sad. Worried. So many things were on my mind and heavy on my heart. Nothing felt right.
“I’m going outside…”
“Okay…let me know if you need anything,” he said, quietly and respectfully understanding my that my heart needed space.
I walked around the yard with my phone, looking at it, looking away. I cried every time I opened social media. I still cry…there is so much hate and I am not sure how to stop it all. So I don’t look as much. It seems so unbearable to me. So heavy.
But this is the problem, right? Looking away isn’t helping. My tears aren’t working. This isn’t about me right now…it’s about changing the world.
If I feel this way, I cannot imagine how my friends of color feel right now…or how they feel all the time. The injustices they experience. The micro aggressions. The blatant racism that they experience every day.
All I could think that day was “How could we do this? How can we STILL BE DOING THIS? How have we come this far to come back to this point?”
I used to think love was enough. I used to think love could wipe out anything…sadness, darkness, evil, pain. I know that love is part of it. But I see now that action - real involvement from everyone - is what it will take.
I am not sure how to start, but I will stand and support the cause however I can. I will start at home and with me, changing thoughts and patterns as I can. I will start with friends and family who say inappropriate things as disguised as jokes. I will continue to support my friends of color in their businesses and endeavors as best I can.
I never wanted to acknowledge the racism that STILL seeps through our country, our very bones that this land was built on, or the fact that being white gives me an immediate head start. It’s so unfair. Yet, it runs deep in our land, in our blood. It’s time to clean it up. It’s time to do the work.
I don’t know how to fix it all, but I am here…listening with heart, helping with hands. I might not get it right. Hell…I might now have gotten this post right. But I can promise, I will do what I can to help facilitate the change we need.