Small Investments

Today is busy. Full of edits and shoot prep and future plans. I seem to run out of time so easily these days. There are only so many hours in the day to pack in all the important things.

I am trying not to run out of time for myself these days. I am really good at putting everything in front of my own needs. I could go pro. But even on my busiest days, I try to pause for a little self care. It's like making a tiny investment in a long term fund that grows without you watching it. Slowly, over time, it all becomes a habit and before you know it, you have the resources to fall back on and get you through those challenges life brings.

So today's theme is pausing in the moment for some care. This is part of it...a light lunch. Lean. Homemade. And healthy. A little fresh air and sunshine.

And a little reminder that I am worth it.

El Gato Diablo

If you follow me on Facebook, you may have seen this video I posted about my life in hell recently. Only, in my world this happens at 2:19 AM...when I am (conveniently) sound asleep. And for no real reason but that she needs something that I haven't figured out. What's worse...I am wide awake for another 2 hours - minimum. Let's just say mornings here have been a little hard on me.

Don't let this face fool you. On the outside she's all fuzzy and cute. But on the inside, the devil lives there. Yes. I am sure of it. And as patient as I am with most animals, 2:19 AM is NOT a wake up time for food or water or whatever else you need to communicate that I am not giving you.

Someone please send her the memo.

Before the frost

It's time to harvest and gather. Time to reap what we sow. It's time to duck from the hardships and collect what we need. Preparing for the frosts is never easy. But we do what we can and learn a little more every time.

It's time to hunker down and prepare for the hard freeze ahead. It's time to do the hard work. The real work. The dirty work.

Take care.

Morning rituals - fresh juice and avocado toast on Ezekiel bread. Sunday bacon for the win.

Take care of yourself. Kindly and with purpose. Gently over breakfast, or fiercely over your morning sweat. Take time for rest. Spend moments on yourself. Eat. Sleep. Play. Work. Find some spiritual center - in God, or on the beach, or a under a leaf. Find a place that you feel really small. Find a place that you feel really big. They are both really important to finding the balance we all strive for.

Just take the time to take the care of you that you deserve. You are worth it.

Everything nice.

Sugar and spice and everything nice...

This day was awesome. Not only did I get to photograph this beauty, but I got to photograph and spend time with her mother in their TO.DIE.FOR house that she and her awesomely handy and talented husband built. While I wasn't photographing her and her daily handing out life with Goldie, we were working on getting her some portraits to promote herself a little more as the incredible artist she deserves to be recognized as. I really can't wait until the world uncovers what a gem we are hiding in her art and creative mind.

But this...this little dose of sweetness is what I came for. Kisses. And smiles. And blue eyes you could swim around in for days. I just really don't know how they get anything done.

Home

I am back home today. Back in the comforts of yoga pants and puppy dogs and some gentle sunshine though my windows.

As much as I love the adventures that travel always brings, I am always happy to come back home.

Auntie Libby

Besides being a mother, one of my favorite things in the world is to be an Auntie. It's full of all kinds of perks. You get to play with them without any of the hardships of parenting. There is really no discipline or punishing. There are no bedtimes to stress about or mealtimes to angst over. It's just play. Fun. Adventure. Love.

This week, I got to play Auntie for a few short and precious hours. We threw balls and colored. We played Bubble Guppies and read books. We even sang and danced (well, not so much me with the singing and the dancing. But this one sure put on a show!) It's always an adventure being the Auntie.

I also got to meet this cutie pie and be a totally different kind of Auntie...more like squishy pillow Auntie.

These newborns get me every time. The baby smells and the sounds and the gummy smiles. I am all a melted puddle of love after holding a newborn. I always thought it was a such a treat having a little one around of my own - albeit too brief.

For now, though, I will love being the Auntie. The play and fun and treats all make for feeling a little bit like Mary Poppins in the life of your friends and family. I know when momma needs help and rest. But I also know when it's time to step down and let momma do the work she needs to do.

Because nothing - and I really mean NOTHING - can replace your mom in this world.

The shoe pile

The show pile on the weekends to me represent a happy, full house with loads of play and laughter and imagination. Happy weekend!

Sunset

"Clouds come floating into my life - no longer to carry rain or usher storm - but to add color to my sunset sky." R.Tagore

I have been on the slippery slope of sickness today - sliding down it's icy face with no hope. Despite being on a rapid decline downward, I watched the sunset from my dining room this evening and thought about good things - love and hope and family and sunsets. And I somehow let the sun take away all the sickness and pain and bad thoughts away - slipping into the darkness never to be seen again.

Thank you Sun. Until we meet again...

Behind the scenes

Today was filled with lots and lots of busy work. There was editing and emails (oh so many emails). And then I had a product shot to set up in my house. It is a little known fact, but I really love to do these sort of styled product shots. And honestly, I think I nailed it.

And while I do love the product shot, I really love a behind the scenes shot of how it all went down. While I'd like for you to believe I have some amazing product photography set up in my private studio,  the reality is that I set it up on my dining room floor, next the the pile of laundry that needs to be put away and my makeshift little bar. What you don't see is my trusty intern, marauding array of animals (both welcomed and not so much welcomed), a spilled water glass and some seriously frayed nerves.

Regardless, it's still fun to have a looksee behind the scenes. And always remember how much of our lives we get to curate on a daily basis my friends. It's really a real lot.

In other news, you really need to check out my friends over at Best Kept Self. (That's who this sweet little product shot is for). They are the real deal and do an amazing job with everything they do. I am currently working with their nutritionist, Jessie, to get myself in better shape health wise. And wow! What a difference I can already feel! Seriously. Get on over there and sign up for all things great.

The rollercoaster ride of parenthood

My little guy is turning into such a man these days. Responsible and noble. Kind and generous. At the same time he is still a little kid. Shy and awkward, with so much to learn.

It's such a thrilling age - this preteen/tween stage. So many people hate to parent kids of this age, but I am really loving it. You can see the shape of who they are going to be in a few short years when they spreads their wings and jump head-first into this big wide world. And they are like curious little sponges (probably looking for information to prove their parents wrong at any turn).

It's a rollercoaster ride - this parenting thing - filled with loop-de-loops, ups, downs, corkscrews and death defying tricks you are never sure if you will get out of alive. But at the end, I am sure I won't get off and think I am going to be sick. I think I will rather say - WOW! That was the ride of my life. I am so glad I took the chance to do it.

Each day brings it's own ride. But I wouldn't trade a second of it for the world.

The Intern

So... my son has to do an internship for a week with his school. They have to show up at a real-life job and do real-life job things. Today was my little guy's first day on the job as photographer's assistant. And since we couldn't find other friends/family/suckers to take him, I am the boss.

Here he is...Day 1. Reporting for duty!  "Seriously dude. Wake up already. Its 8:00 AM and I have accomplished about 40 things already."

I kid...this is what my intern really looked like today:

Just a few hours in and he was editing photos in a program he had never used before. He mastered that software like he'd been doing it all his life - LIKE A BOSS. What's even more awesome is that he is a perfectionist (Mom...that's not in focus! *sigh*) and a good worker! I am super proud of him today.

Tomorrow, we have an exciting shoot and some additional fun things on the books for the rest of the week. So I am looking forward to a fun and fruitful week with my main man.

Stay tuned for more adventures this week in interning.

Project 365

Carrots from my garden. I am learning here too.

I have long admired the discipline of people who do a 365 project. I just never got into one of my own. Often I am taken away from my desk for stretches of time on shoots out of town (I am unfortunately not a laptop user). I also seem to struggle with something that I have to do every day - like take a daily supplement, for example. And these projects always sounded like more work added into my already busy life.

Besides all that, I think the vulnerability of posting something every day to the world that might not be your "best work" is something all photographers struggle with. Will people like this photo? Is it good enough? Am I good enough? Will I look too narcissistic or (insert other harsh adjective here) if I just post stuff about my life all the time? Self doubt can stop you before you have even begun a project. And so far, for me, it has succeeded.

Fear is real. And putting yourself out there can be hard. But like everything, you just have to do it. Leap and the net will appear. You just have to show up and keep trying...keep practicing...keep working towards the goal.  A 365 project is just this - practice. It's there so you can keep working on that craft, so you can keep addressing the things you love to do, and so you can ultimately be better - be it gardening, yoga, photography or motherhood. Practice builds the ultimate confidence we seek out. 

So here I am, working on my very own Project 365. I can't wait to see what it brings. I can't wait for the mishaps and the hiccups and the trials and tribulations that comes with growth and learning. I can't wait to see what comes next.

Slow it down.

All of life is just passing us by in a moment - whizzing around me at top speeds as we wind our way up the glorious summit. And all I want to do is stop the car, smell the fresh air, pick some wildflowers and watch some of the clouds wander aimlessly by. All I want to do is slow it down.

Below my Feet

"And now I sleep.
Sleep the hours that I can't weep.
When all I knew was steeped in blackened holes.
I was lost.

Keep the earth below my feet.
For all my sweat, my blood runs weak.
Let me learn from where I have been.
Keep my eyes to serve my hands to learn.
Keep my eyes to serve my hands to learn."

Below My Feet, Mumford & Sons.

Sweet Sips of Summer

Finishing off summer with a sweet goodbye is something I need to get into the practice of a little more often. By this time of year, I am usually drowning in the shift of seasons - back to school alarms combined with the humidity of September is enough to make me want to quit life and move to cooler pastures with crunchy leaves, sweatshirts and fireplaces ablaze all day. I quickly forget summer's bounty she promises to me in May, with bursting vegetable gardens full of color and warm water you can float away the days in until you are pruned, waterlogged and pink and ripe as a juicy watermelon.

This year, I am trying to see summer for all it's colorful, sweet gifts and be grateful for the time we spent together. I am trying to lean into these last few tough days as I wait eagerly for Fall and her gloriously cooler weather celebrated with long evenings by backyard fire pits.

For now, I plan on getting as much of Summer as I can. Watch a few more sunset. Take in a few more summer storms rolling in from the west. And get a few more grains of sand stuck between my toes. For now, I will suck out these last little sweet sips of summer through a straw - and linger with it just a little bit longer.

Blurred Lines.

When I started off on my own path, I looked for the clearly lines of a well worn trail in front of me. I think we are trained to believe this is the way of The Game of Life from the time we are teeny, impressionable, normalcy-seeking children looking for clear rules and a well-defined path. So early on, I always wanted to be lead directly to my Destination, marked with descriptive signs and no indication of any messy undergrowth. The signs would say "GO THIS WAY" making sure I didn't miss anything important to The Game along the way - husband, 2.5 kids, mortgage, cars and a white picket fence.

Apparently, I don't like to play by the rules.

So, with no certain path, I jumped tracks and found nothing but blurry lines. The one where I wasn't 100% sure where I would end up. It's scary some days. And I am never sure what I am truly doing. But what I have come to find out is that I love that I have the power to rewrite the ending every single day no matter what those Rule Makers had in mind for me in the beginning.

The thing is, I really don't think any of the lines are clearly defined in life after all. Sure some paths are marked a little better than others, but there are always obstacles and challenges along the way. There are twists and turns and uphill climbs and treacherous downhill slopes. There are also easy, flat paths to cruise calmly along. But things change and don't always go as planned. Life requires us to compromise a little and learn how to lean into the discomfort. Most of life is a big, blurry, messy pile.

So I will keep marching along this path - blurred lines and all. And be delighted at the things I pick up along the way, focusing in on them long enough to appreciate where we are in the present since that's the only real thing I can see anyhow.

#weekend10 - 12 weeks and counting

I want to write about the beautiful weekend I had. Fun in the sun. Exploring a new place I had never been. I want to tell you how I tried a new restaurant and loved every minute of it. Or how I did something spectacular on a whim like ohhhh...I don't know....skydiving or kite boarding or something exciting and thrilling.

But this weekend was none of those things. It was rainy and hard and boring and sad. I had to deal with some major life issues that have crossed my path. Not to mention that back to school stuff looms over our heads like a dark cloud around here. And then there was the rain. The non-stop, incessant rain. The never-ending grey days where you are never quite sure if it's 6 AM or 6 PM. Dark. Dreary. And downright depressing.

It's okay that sometimes weekends aren't magical. Like my previous post says, sometimes you have to lean into those dark spots to come out on the other end and appreciate the bright days where things actually do feel right.

Before you start thinking to yourself - man what a whiner. Her life doesn't look that bad - I am aware things could be a lot worse. As a matter of fact, they have been a lot worse before. And I am still standing. That's how this works. You dust yourself off and carry on with life. But we all have to know sometimes life isn't as easy as it looks.

Despite it all, I found a few frames that felt right to show you how my weekend looked.

Inaugural swim at my sister's new pool! Yayyyy pools! (iphone photo)

Karate practice. He is brushing up for his black belt test. That's right. BLACK BELT! (iphone photo)

The legos came out. I love it when the legos come back out!

This is what the 12 year old playdate looks like.

The Birthday Banner makes the annual appearance. For Birthday month! (5 birthdays in less than 4 weeks. We still celebrate the ones who are gone.)

Apparently naps are better on fresh laundry.

I picked up a copy of Skirt and found a full page image that I shot inside! Complete with credit!This certainly was a bright spot in my weekend!

Oh....the rain. I sometimes wonder if I could just jump in and swim to the other side. (iphone photo)

One more practice to round out the weekend. I am so proud of him! He is working really hard for this goal! (iphone photo)

It doesn't look half bad in photos. Funny how photos have a way of masking the reality that happens behind the lens.

The bright spot.

I wish this wasn't true about me, but I spend a lot of time mourning the things that don't go right, particularly when I am in the middle of an unfortunate bad streak. When everything feels broken, dusty, worn out, and just plain old tired, I find it hard to look on the bright side and be perky with positivity. I get bogged down with the little things like lunches and laundry and back to school bullshit (seriously...what's with all the emails already!). So when a day comes along where everything seems to go along without a hitch in the middle of a bad streak, I feel like I am walking on sunbeams down a golden street headed straight for the promised land.

That was this day. Perfect. Sunny. And bright blue in my happy heart.

It's those stormy skies that make me appreciate these sunny, perfect days even more than usual...like when you see a polished piece of silver in the middle of a pile of worn and tarnished plates, it seems to sparkle more brightly and look fresher. 

I look forward to days like this...days where the sun shines brighter and the clouds seem like fluffy, pillowey piles of cotton candy floating by. But because not everyday can be that kind of a day, I will put on my rainboots and trudge through to the other side. Because if there is one thing I know, there is always a bright spot to sit and stay for a while at the end of it all.

#weekend10 - Eleven weeks

Sleepover and pancakes. Pools and puppies. Fruit and Farmers Markets. I love you summer.

Frankie says "Relax."

Look at that little beggar!

Blueberries. Eggplant. Okra. (Taken with my trusty little iPhone.)

Making banana pancakes.

floaty concoction thing

When I dream of summer, this is what it looks like.

The end of my summer bounty.

Look who popped up to say hi! A surprise visitor.

And a little shoot at the Victor Social Club - which I shall be returning to promptly this week.