Flotsam and Jetsam

This is my favorite spot on my favorite beach. 8W on Folly Beach has been a constant in my life for the past 15 years. Summer sunbathing. Evening picnics. Winter walks. They all began here. Many personal photos I have taken have been snapped of this very spot - building sand castles, suntanned faces, sandy toes, and the waves just washing over our feet, begging me to hear their calming call and secrets to life. I saw my mom step on the beach for her last time here. I saw my son ride his first wave here. I have fallen in love here. I have cried here.

Recently, I sat here waiting for some clients for a shoot. I have lived in Charleston off and on for the better part of my life. Truth be told, I have never felt fully at home in this city. But this spot on this beach…this is my sanctuary. This is the place I feel at home…connected. Connected to my life, and my memories. Connected to my past and my present. Connected to my future.

But as I sat here the other day, a wave of emotion took over. You see, my future looks a little muddy right now. Unclear. I am confused about what’s to come. The push and pull of the tide seems to understand this rhythm and phenomenon, yet I don’t. Maybe I never will. The clarity of my path seems as unclear as the murky, muddy sea floor - unsettled and topsy turvy, full of sharp flotsam and jetsam that I find myself trying to navigate.

And yet, so many things seem clear to me like that horizon you can focus on - even when the sea is stormy and heavy with waves. My horizon is there… I have amazing love. I have a great career that I have built on my own. I have friends and a roof over my head. I have more than I ever considered having despite the crooked path I have taken. Despite this broken boat I keep charting this course with.

So, I guess for now, I will keep coming back here while I can to wrestle with the questions in my heart. I will watch the ease of the push and pull of the ocean – the way it calmly and gently floats to the shore. And I will ask it softly to help me with the answers while I watch all it’s treasured answers wash up gently on the seashore. Patiently, calmly, quietly. Watch for the answers to surface like treasured sand dollars resting quietly on the sand.

50 Life Lessons

I turned 50 this week. Wow! What?!? I can’t believe this happened. I do NOT FEEL 50…until I do. Then I feel all of 50.

When I turned 40, I wrote out 40 things I have learned. So to extend the tradition, I thought I would revised it and post another list. This time, with 50 lessons. So here goes…

1. Always wear clean underwear. Or none at all. It doesn’t matter.

2. Take care of your teeth.

3. Take care of your health.

4. Take care of yourself. Hair. Eyes. Skin. Mental health. It’s all important.

5. Eat the rainbow. Not skittles. Fruit. Vegetables. Clean food.

6. Don’t forget to drink water.

7. Move. Everyday if you can.

8. You don’t have to explain your choices to anyone. Only you have to answer to the decisions you make.

9. Find some grace. For yourself. For others. It will serve you well.

10. Budget for things. I wish I could say I have mastered this, but I am learning.

11. Expect the unexpected. In all areas of life. Plot twists will happen often.

12. Do not forget how to have fun.

13. Know when to be serious.

14. Learn how to read the room.

15. Find the sunshine as often as you can.

16. Say yes more often.

17. Know when to say NO.

18. When you make a commitment to something or someone, follow through.

19. Be honest. Even when it hurts.

20. Learn how to like yourself. This is hard for most of us…

21. Don’t give up on love. It’s there. You just have to find it. It shows up when you are least expecting it. This is more true than I could ever tell you.

22. Be careful what you wish for.

23. Listen to your gut. Or your heart. Or whatever that niggling little voice is inside you. It know’s things.

24. Indulge a little. It’s okay.

25. Don’t discount the things you experience at a young age. You will go back to those little life experiences time and time again. They are the foundation of life.

26. Remember this when you are raising children. They take in more than you know.

27. Opportunity doesn’t always come in the shape you want it to. Sometimes it wears a serious disguise.

28. Floss your teeth.

29. Find a little balance.

30. Stop worrying. HARD STOP. Ninety Nine percent of the things you worry about are actually NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

31. Live with the stuff you love. Not the stuff people tell you to love. If you love comfy furnutre and barcaloungers, then get yourself a livingroom full of them. It’s your house and life. LIVE IT YOUR WAY!

32. Be wary of fads.

33. Be wary of people who tell you how you should think.

34. Do the research.

35. Love wholeheartedly and unabashedly. Stop listening to people telling you that you shouldn’t.

36. Surround yourself with people you want to be like. Remove the relationships that aren’t serving you. Edit your life often.

37. Give people a second chance. Maybe not a third. Or fourth.

38. Learn how to communicate well. How to talk. And, more importantly, how to LISTEN.

39. Don’t trust people who say they don’t like cats. Or dogs. They can prefer one to another. They can get what they like. But there is something seriously strange about a human who doesn’t like a specific kind of animal.

40. Try. Fail. Try again. Fail again. Keep trying until you figure it out.

41. There usually isn’t just one way to get somewhere. Stop taking the main roads.

42. Do your best. Every day. Wake up and commit that you will try harder. It’s okay if you don’t succeed.

43. There is a lot of life to be had offline. A lot of experience is out there.

44. We live in a great country. Voting is important. People have fought for this right. As in LOST THEIR LOVES FOR THIS. It is your duty to do this.

45. Children are harbingers of hope and joy and fear. Listen deeply to them.

46. Be patient. Be kind. Hold space for grace for yourself and others.

47. Connect with something bigger that yourself.

48. Take time to meditate. Or pray. Or breathe. It will do you a world of good.

49. Learn how to forgive.

50. Celebrate yourself. Every chance you get. All the things you’ve done. Because trust me…it’s more than you know.

Happy Birthday

In honor of another year around the sun, I have a list of 47 things I learned at each stage in my life. Enjoy!

1. Take baby steps.  It's not worth worrying about the magnitude of what has to get done. Take it in all in little baby steps and before you know it, you'll be on the other side.

2. Throw a tantrum. Not really...but every now and again, it's okay to just blow off a little steam and tell the world how you really feel.

3. Find comfort in your momma... or anyone that you are close to.

4. Get dirty. Eat Mud pies (okay, maybe not really). But get dirty. It's the only way to experience life. Hands muddy. Face marred.

5. Never stop learning - Learning is key to growing. Always keep a wide open mind and learn to say "I don't know" more often than you feel comfortable with.

6. Keep showing up. Even when you don't want to. Whether it's in first grade or just being a parent, sometimes showing up is the hardest part.

7. Always try to create something. Being creative isn't just for kids. It's for everyone. Finger painting, drawing, getting messy are just a part of how we learn and open out minds.

8. Be kind. Compliment someone. Help people who aren't as fortunate. Stand up for someone being picked on. Help someone who is struggling. A little kindness goes a long way.

9. Don't always listen. Sometimes tuning out the world is the best thing you can do. Turn off the news. Tune out the bullies. And keep marching your little march.

10. Grow gracefully. Getting older is no joke. But relish in it. Stop worrying about the number and just be you!

11. Realize your strengths. You have your own set of gifts. Use them.

12. Don't abuse yourself. Don't say bad things about yourself. Don't mistreat your body. And don't let anyone else do either.

13. Change is inevitable. It's been proven. You will change. Your body will change. Don't fight it. Just roll with it.

14. Handle pitfalls with pride. Sure, sometimes you make a fool of yourself.

15. Change is good. Even when it doesn't seem like it, change is a good thing.

16. Fall recklessly in love. Trust me on this.

17. Understand your true beauty. Not physical, but the beauty that makes up the whole you. See the you your family and friends see.

18. You are always just beginning. That's the beauty of life.

19. Follow your drumbeat. This can be hard to do. Especially when it's out of rhythm with those around you. But listen closely to that beat. It's trying to tell you something.

20. Slow down. Seriously. Stop rushing life.

21. Party like it's 1999.

22. Be proud of your accomplishments. They are always bigger than you give yourself credit for.

23. Hard work pays off....most of the time. This isn't always true. But most of the time, hard work pays off. You will always feel better knowing you put in the effort.

24. Shed that which no longer serves you. Friendships. Relationships. Weight. Things. Get rid of it if it doesn't fit you.

25. Stand your ground. No matter what others say, think or feel, make sure you are unwavering in your beliefs.

26. Love deeply. Sometimes it won't be reciprocated. That's okay. Because even though deep, feeling, big love is scary, It's the only way.

27. Lose yourself for a while. Free fall. You never know what could come of it.

28. Find your tribe. This is important. Your people know you. They come in the strangest forms.

29. Live on your terms. It's gonna piss some people off. But do it. Trust me.

30. Try new things.

31. Be ready for unexpected magic. It comes when we least expect it.

32. Dig deep. Sometimes we have to dig deep... even during the best parts of life.

33. Love unconditionally.

34. Buckle your seat belt. Life is a bumpy ride. Make sure you are buckled up for all it's twists and turns.

35. You can do hard things. You can. You have. And you will.

36. Listen. The best thing you can do for yourself and others is to listen intently.

37. Don't be afraid of letting go. Everything comes to an end, whther we want it to or not. Seasons end. Life ends. It's all a cycle. Try to embrace it.

38. Give yourself some breathing room. We are not meant to push through with limitless energy. Take a step back. Catch your breath.

39. Get close to God. Or the universe. Or karma. Whatever it is you believe in.

40. Rest. Or pause. Or just watch Netflix. Just remember to recharge. 

41. Go back to your roots. Know where you come from. It will answer a multitude of questions. Trust me on this.

42. Travel. A lot. See the world. Experience as much newness as you can. It's the best part of life.

43. Nourish yourself. Eat well. Sleep. Move. Drink water.

44. Trust your gut.

45. Ask for help. There are people out there who want to help you. Just look around. They are so very close.

46. Understand what you suck at. And stop trying to do it.

47. Lean in.

Lessons in less

From brunch at The Darling Oyster Bar where upon I couldn't finish all the food we were given. A nice problem to have.

I often get caught up in the "I don't have enoughs" when in reality, everything I really need is right in front of me. I am clothed, have clean water, have a lovely roof over my head, power to my home, relatively good health and even extra food in the refrigerator and pantry...just in case. And often times, I can't eat all the food that is given to me because, you know what...it's just TOO MUCH.

I try to stop myself there, but in this privileged society, it's hard for me to say I don't need a haircut, some new clothes and perhaps that awesome new iPhone 7 Plus with it's sweet portrait setting that makes a cell phone camera look a little dreamy. (I mean, it IS my job after all).

Sometimes, I even make myself believe I don't have enough to do the things I need to do. I need a better camera, better lenses and a new computer for my job. I need a new pot to properly cook that coq au vin perfectly. And I could definitely use that special, fancy sea salt we ran out of to make that dish taste extra perfect.

If we balance out the "nice to haves" (new haircut, new shoes, new camera) more realistically with the "need to haves" (power, water, warm clothing), we suddenly start to see the shift happen. We start to feel the gratitude for what we have instead of what we don't have. Instead of seeing this lack as punishment, maybe see this as a gift.

I found this paragraph from a photographer I follow (stalk?) today and it really brought this concept I've been mulling over for weeks into fine-tuned focus.

"There are so many challenges to living our dreams: not enough money, not enough time, not enough knowledge, etc…. But the truth is, those are all one kind of problem…a lack of RESOURCES. And if you’re putting off living your own dream because of a lack of resources, then I’ve got news for you. NOBODY has all the resources they need. In fact, the very nature of big dreams is striving for something that’s not yet within our reach…it’s ALL ABOUT A LACK OF RESOURCES. So what can we do with what we’ve got to get there? It’s simple: you need to be more RESOURCEFUL. There’s a big difference."  - Chase Jarvis

Well...ain't that a kick in the pants? Instead of stopping us in our tracks, maybe we could use our perceived lack as a way to be more creative. That lens I want only makes me work harder for the photo I need. That pot and finishing salt I don't have makes me work a little more creatively in the kitchen to come up with another way to cook. So in the "lack" is actually a life lesson. Creativity is equal to Resourcefulness and is extremely necessary when you are working towards ANY goal. 

And for that lesson today, I am grateful.