Oh, to be 18 again...

I don’t get to do a lot of senior photos. I love this age group though. It’s a special time where these people are primed for their next phase of life - whatever that may be. They are fairly confident at this point…in as much as an 18 year old can be. And they are simply ready for their next steps.

This senior shoot I did the other day was special. I have known this family casually for about 15 or more years and met this young lady when she was just a tot. We haven’t crossed paths many times, but it’s been nice to see her grow - both in person and virtually. She’s as lovely as they come and exactly who I wish I was at her age: smart, interesting, athletic, and outgoing. Unencumbered by opinions and life at this point.

We all got to talking on the shoot (if you know me at ALL, the shoot is more chatting about life really than the shooting)…her mother and I lamenting about “Oh…to be 18 again” as one does.

I told them there would be things I would change. Of course. There are some things I would change about my life. Mostly I am happy with how things turned out.

I am not one to dole out advice to anyone - new moms, young people about to embark on a new chapter. Some of that you have to figure out on your own. But I somehow decided to say this one thing…in hopes to remind us all to stop the madness.

I turned to her and said “If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be this: Stop worrying about the externals and focus more on the internals. Worry less about the outside of you, the outside world, the things out of your control, and focus on your insides….your mental health, physical well being, your learning and knowledge, how YOUR body works and where YOU find peace.”

I have been fighting this battle my whole life. Worrying about others. Worrying about what I looked like. Trying to control shit that is LITERALLY out of my control completely.

I would listen to others less and trust myself more. This is my ship - my vessel - and it’s mine to control. Not anyone else’s. I am leaning into this now - in phase 2 of my life. It’s been a hard lesson to learn because I have knotted so many pieces up involving the outside world. So when I don’t have peace, It’s because I have a knot connected somewhere OTHER than with myself.

I hope for my sake I can take my own advice. I hope I find the peace this lovely human seems to have been born with…the calm, the confidence, the clarity.

Oh to be 18 again…

Robbed.

This was not the senior post I wanted to do…

These seniors have been robbed of memories and experiences they will never get back. No more lunch room laughs. No more proms. No graduation ceremony. It's gone...with a virus that has changed our lives forever.

Movies have been made about what it's like to be a senior in high school....TV shows written.... Books penned. We all remember these days. I can still recall what it was like to graduate that day in the hot, Charleston May sun - white dress and flowers laid across my lap, a small audience of people fanning themselves with programs.

This boy has spent so much time working so hard on so many things these past 4 years. He has transformed himself - mind and body. He took his grades from okay to straight As over the course of a month and never looked back. He became a shy rugby player to a fit and stong captain of his team. He became confident and capable and trustworthy of friends, teachers, and adults with parents of his friends calling on him in confidence more than once to help find answers. He became a leader – someone to rely on, strong and kind, empathetic and level-headed. A rare combination in a teenage boy.

I am so sad for my child. While I join you in your grief that school is done for the year here, it is not for the same reasons of despising homeschooling or feeling trapped in my home with kids. Instead, I will be mourning the loss of innocence and experience that comes with these final weeks of school for my boy...no graduation, no prom, no final match. I will hurt along side him over the friends and teachers he will never get to high five in the halls again, relationships that disappear to circumstance rather than choice. And I will mourn the loss of seeing him lead his rugby team this season on the pitch, something he worked so hard for that was taken away far too soon.

There’s more to his story of loss and strength than what I have written here. He has seen things that have changed him completely and done things adults I know haven’t even faced. He is wise beyond his years and experienced beyond fair measure for a child this age.

I know he will go on to do great things. He already has and it's inside of him. But to be honest, I am tired of his innocence being taken away over and over again too early. I am tired of his story having to accommodate the world rather that to world accommodating his kind, huge heart, and strong, loving soul.

To all the seniors, you are loved and we are all so proud. I am sorry this is your story.

Now let's all go out and change the ending to this chapter.