Help.

A lot of memories all in one place.

Yesterday afternoon, in true New Year’s fashion, we disassembled the Christmas tree. Ornament by ornament. Memory by memory. We dismantled the fragrant and not-so-dead-after-all tree.

While this is nothing remarkable (I mean, let’s face it, we ALL take the tree down at some point), it was remarkable to me. This was the first year in all the years I can remember that I had help dismantling the Christmas tree.

Maybe you are shrugging your shoulders right now thinking to yourself, “So what…”

The thing is, I am not very good at asking for help. I am even less good at receiving it.

For me, the help I always needed has never really been there…partially by design and partially because when I asked for help, it never came to me - at least not how I was expecting it. So I figured out life on my own. I became a “do-it-yourself” kinda gal. I never wanted to risk the disappointment of being told no, so I decided there wasn’t much I couldn’t do by myself.

The thing is, I tried to do this alone. For some reason, my guys weren’t having it. They pitched in and we had decorations out of here and life back to a semi-normal state within the hour. Record time. This could have taken me up to 3 days to get it taken down, packed up, and cleaned away if I was alone.

The help I desire to ask for runs deeper than help with the Christmas decorations. It’s in every facet of my life. Sure, I have stepped away from things from time to time and let someone take the wheel… But it’s never been easy for me.

Help came last month when I needed it…in a big way. Christmas was coming and we had an unexpected passing in our family. When my people came to me and said “we are here, tell us what we can do for you…” I felt a sudden relief from the pressure. We all pitched in and had maybe one of the best Christmases I can remember in recent years.

So maybe the key to happiness - or even the key to life - is acceptance. Acceptance of help, of love, and of truth. Acceptance of whatever is in front of you. I have spent so much time pushing it all away that it’s time to embrace that which was meant for me.

And that includes all the help I can get.

Preserving YOU

How do you rescue yourself? What is the thing you look at as a life ring when you feel like you ship is sinking? Do you lean on self care? Isolate yourself from toxic energy? Unplug?

What if the ship that is sinking is caused by you? Or even worse, what if the very thing you need saving from is YOU? Your voice? Your negative thoughts? What if the thing you need having from is the one thing you can’t escape from?

If I have learned something in life, it’s that I need to have many things to help save me. I have had both healthy and unhealthy habits. And I understand it as a trial and error. It feels like trying on pants in a dressing room…most don’t fit right, but when you find the right one for YOU, it’s magical.

I have tried all kinds of things. And many things work. I have also leaned on things that aren’t so good. It feels as messy and tangled as the rope that holds this life ring up. But to be honest, you have to experience it all before you know what’s right or wrong for YOU.

I think the most important part - do whatever you do with intention…intention of saving you, preserving you.