Summer Daze.

I am in a summer daze. A hazy, lazy summer daze. I can't shake it off. And I really don't want to. I want these lingering days to last forever. Beach picnics at sunset and surfing into the dark hours of the day. I want to stay inside these in between days of spring and summer where the sun is shining and the breeze is cool and all I do is buck the Rules of Life.

It's here I want to lay my head and rest a while. I want to float around and get comfortably lazy with our schedules and Lists of Things To Do. I want to smile into the setting sun and thank her for yet another glorious day of life and give gratitude for the things that make the rest of it a little more palatable.

So here I will stay for a while with arms outstretched into the blue skies, laughing into the ocean winds again. Here is where I will be until the Summer turns her prickly heat on me once again.

Remember to breathe.

Early summer brings jasmine to the lowcountry.

A reminder to breathe - slowly and completely.

Accept what is. Believe in what will become.

And know that you are always right where you are meant to be.

And just like that.....

Summer is here. Just like that.

For us, it isn't marked on a calendar or a clock. It isn't measured by the moon or the sun or the tilt of the earth. It arrives the day we drop our schedules and routines for something looser and a little more free. It arrives on a Tuesday at 5:37PM, when we are tired of homework and supper routines and classes and deadlines. It happens when we throw caution to the wind and finally sigh under our breath, "Summer is here. It's finally here."

Welcome back, Summer. I can't wait to float around gently and purposeless in your wake.

The Messiness of Motherhood

In my experience, there is no other way to be a mother than to get down in the muddy pit of it all. Roll around in it. Get it all over you. You wear it - in your hair, on your clothes, on your breath - like a badge of sleep-deprived, showerless pride. 

There is no tiptoeing in the shallow end of the pool of motherhood. From day 1, being a mom is like being blasted from a cannon into the middle of icy waters with no life preserver. And there is no other way to make it to the other side other than swim like hell and hope to stay afloat.  Each day brings it's challenges. Each day you only hope to make it through.  But every day is an epic battle that you may or may not have won. 

Somewhere in navigating the mess – the tears, the smiles, the hardships, the joy, the pain, the worry and the love – it all comes together. We all somehow make it through to the other side. Perhaps we are a little more battered and bruised, but our hearts grow bigger and fuller each day with a love we could never imagine before this wild ride.

Motherhood is gritty. And hard. And confusing. From what I can see of this track, it's a wild, messy and scary ride to the bitter end. So hold on tight and buckle up. And enjoy the feeling of your stomach flipping from your feet to you throat over and over again. It's one wild ride.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommas I know out there. The ones who made me and the ones who raised me!

(NOTE - this post was conveniently and not ironically forgotten about during Mother's Day weekend and a particularly busy week! Ooooops)

The Gift

When I need to regroup, recharge or just or restart myself on a new track during the day, I often come out here on my back deck and look at this view. I take a long, deep breath and pause to find 3 things I am grateful for so I can continue on with my day - hopefully a little lighter than when I started.

Mostly, this is an easy task. But in the past few years, I have struggled with some serious stress and hardship life decided to toss my way. It has made it excruciatingly hard to be present - particularly when your heart is not anywhere near you.

So what about those days when it IS difficult to find balance. What about those days that are hard and complicated and confusing? Or the days that are filled with angst and frustration? How do you find gratitude there? How do you look to find your happy place in those moments?

Honestly, some days I just don't. Some days I just fail miserably. And those are the worst days. But the best part is that I am trying. I always try to find the joy. It's a practice we all work hard for most days.

So I keep showing up here...on my porch. Some days, I have a tea and a smile and so much gratitude my heart could explode. Other days, I am pacing with anxiety or on the verge of tears. It's always different, just like each unique day. The point is, you have to always try. You have to keep showing up and without letting the present get away from you.

So I will keep showing up...right here on this porch. I will keep looking for the present within my heart while seeing the gift of what is real right in front of me.

Summertime

LIST OF THINGS TO DO

1. SWIM. As much as you can. And stop caring what your thighs look like in a swimsuit. Nobody thinks about it nearly as much as you.

2. RIDE A BIKE. On the beach or in a park.

3. GO OUT FOR ICE CREAM. And eat it outside until it's drippy and messy on your hands.

4. EAT A HOMEGROWN TOMATO. There is nothing better.

5. STAY UP LATE. Because you can.

6. WATCH THE SUNSET BY THE WATER.

7. GO OUTSIDE. Summer doesn't happen inside.

8. GET A PRETTY PEDICURE. With a sassy new color you have never tried.

9. FARMERS MARKETS. You have to fill in the gaps of your own garden.

10. BUY FRESH FLOWERS.

11. WATCH THE SUNRISE. Also by the water if you can.

12. READ. A book. A magazine. An article. Read that one thing you have been putting off becuase life is always too busy.

13. TRAVEL. Even if it's close. Or you have to scrape all your pennies together to do it. You will make more memories on that trip than you will in a whole summer.

14. GET A FRESH HAIRCUT AND COLOR. Because it's summer!

15. WEAR A PRETTY SUNDRESS. And stop worrying about your arms/back/legs. Nobody cares about them but you.

16. PLAY A GAME. Or do a puzzle.

17. GO TO THE MOVIES. There is nothing like a freezing cold, dark movie theater on a steamy hot summer day.

18. BUY A GREAT HAT. You will look good and keep your skin safe!

19. FLIP FLOPS. EVERY DAMN DAY.

20. PLANT A GARDEN. Or a flowerpot with some herbs. You will be so happy you did.

Dear Mom.

There is nothing I can say today that I haven't already said over the years. The days get easier as time moves on. We are slowly healing from the wounds that were left after you were gone...but those deep wounds and holes of emptiness get filled with things that aren't real.

The days still come. Swiftly at first. And then less so. But they come whether we want them to or not, whether we expect them or not. We just know how to navigate through the choppy waters a little better now.

Every day I miss something about you...both of you. I can't express in words what it's like to live on a planet without you. Suddenly, I am aware of being exposed and completely alone - naked on a boat in the middle of the ocean with no oars and no land in sight. It feels uncomfortable and so unfamiliar.

You look for ways to make it more comfortable...more tolerable. But soon you realize that nothing works to heal it. It just "is." You have to go through it now. You just have to paddle somehow with what you have and get to the other side.

I have been paddling for 9 years. Nine. That's a long time. But today, instead of resting, I will keep paddling. I will keep moving towards something...towards a shoreline of something bigger than me. And in it, I will try to enjoy the adventure. Embrace the unknown.  I will use everything you gave me and taught me and showed me and said to me as a compass...a guiding light to bring me home.

Lessons

I love learning new things. I am admittedly a perfectionist which can get in the way sometimes. But I really believe learning new things can be life changing.

Okay...sure....maybe a single golf lesson can't change your life. But I am a firm believer that learning a new skill can give anyone a chance to approach the things they do every day just a little differently. So perfecting and practicing that frustrating golf swing could open up a new opportunity with a skill you are trying to perfect at work (hello, WordPress!). Or maybe learning a new recipe actually helps catapult those changes in your diet you have been hoping to make. Sometimes the change is directly related, and sometimes...not so much.

Whether you sign up for a golf lesson, take a cooking class or listen to a new podcast, learning something new is a great way to change the direction of our current path. It's a great way to open ourselves up to the possibilities of something new.

The Intersection of Joy and Work.

I had a great time shooting this series for Dandy Boutique here in Charleston recently. The photos are so happy, bright and joyful. And that Venita sure can have a good time on a shoot. She is like a pre-packaged party for 1!

This shoot was so fun and light that it got me thinking a lot about the intersection of joy and work. This is not something people are lucky to have. Some people have very serious jobs (hello and thank you, doctors of the world) that require some often sensitive and precarious interactions. So how do you create joy wherever you are in life, despite what is happening all around you?

I think that answer is as varied as the jobs in the world. For, me it boils down to a few essential things. I know gratitude helps me a lot. And knowing I am only a small part of a bigger plan in this universe also can get me through the harder and more serious times like when I am focused on the drudgery of taxes and bills and broken computers. But I believe it's different for all of us. Sometimes a good cup of coffee might actually change your whole day.

I don't think joy is a permanent thing - every day has good points and not-so-good points. But knowing that I am doing something I love every day certainly helps me enjoy the better part of my life and focus on the parts that aren't so bad after all.

So I believe the joy is there. Sometimes it hides behind the little things. But I do believe it's always there, just waiting to come out and play.

Strength

From my shoot with the AMAZINGLY STRONG Graham Ervin.

Sometimes being strong isn't always about being tough. It's about being flexible and knowing when to bend and when to let go. Sometimes the strength is simply in knowing what you need. 

Chicken Soup

Chicken noodle soup.

A few weeks ago after a downright summery few days, the temperature here bottomed out and dropped a good 25 degrees. While I welcome the cooler weather (we have enough heat here in Charleston), that dip in temperature felt downright arctic...so comfort food is coming my way.

To me, there is no other way to combat the cooler temps than with some much needed homemade chicken noodle soup with a loaf of something crusty alongside. I was lazy and didn't want to run to the store, I decided to whip it up with what I had on hand - which turned out in my favor. If you ever make noodle soup from dried noodles again, kick yourself. Refrigerated noodles are the way to go and because my child is a super spoiled foodie and WILL ONLY EAT THESE EXPENSIVE NOODLES, I keep them stocked in my freezer.

It's the most simple food and since there is still a touch of chill in the air, I will probably be making this again this week because we ATE IT ALL IN ONE SITTING. It was that good. 

I don't have a recipe because I am HORRIBLE at measuring and recording it. But here is a link to something similar.

Foraging

Foraging from our backyard loquat tree

He's cooperating, but very unsure.

I spent my summers slightly sunburned, running around outside in the fresh air, chasing fireflies, and picking perfectly ripened blackberries for my mom behind the watertower at the top of the mountain. We never heard the word foraging. We just did it. I lived in a neighborhood edged with forests and farms, so foraging for wild berries and wildly growing culinary treats just sort of happened.

When we moved to the south during my teen years, everything was different. We lived on a barrier island on the coast of South Carolina that looked more like a lush, tropical forest than the woodlands and farms I was used to. Everything looked exotic and exciting. And a little bit poisonous. And honestly, as a teen, I had better things to learn than what was yard berry was edible and what I should fear. So I stayed away from most things thinking I would suddenly die upon ingestion. 

As the years passed, I found myself longing for those blackberry bushes I foraged in my youth. For some reason, they seemed like a treasure that nobody knew about for years but us...like our own secret garden right up the road. It was a treat saved for a few short weeks every year. And although I loved eating the plump berries right off the bush, my pudgy fingers stained purple from their juices, I was always excited to bring them home to my mom to see what magic she would make with them - cobbler, pie, preserves. It was the stuff dreams were made of. 

Somehow this unfamiliar territory made foraged foods seem harder to come by in South Carolina. But as I learned more about the culinary south, I realized there was a whole slew of foods at my disposal right here in my own backyard. I moved into my current house about 11 years ago. On that day, I noticed a bush dripping with what looked like tiny apricots against a backdrop of fuchsia azalea blooms . Golden yellow in color, I had seen these bushes around the south for years. Little did I know I had a loquat tree right in my own back yard. The very start to my own little backyard farm.

This year is my first year harvesting these babies. They are tart and juicy and have a great texture - sort of peachy. So we will be experimenting with drinks, preserves, foods and maybe even a desert or 2 over the next few weeks before our quickly ripening bush goes to the hungry wildlife of the neighborhood.

I can hardly wait to see what goodness comes out of it all!

EAT YOUR GREENS

EAT YOUR GREENS!!!!

(I guess he listened.)

In other news - this guy is the greatest!

The Tastemakers

Amalia Scatena | Executive Chef at Cannon Green

Chef BJ Dennis | Personal Chef and Culinary Artist

View fullsize

Carrie Morey | Owner of Callie’s Biscuits

Dantera Richardson | Owner of Swank Desserts

Vinson Petrillo|  Head Chef at Zero George Cafe + Bar

Vonda Freeman |  The Beverage Director of Indigo Road Group

As you may know, some of my very favorite things in the world (in no particular order) are as follows: Food, Photography, People, Portraits, Fashion. So few weeks ago when I got a call from my girl Andrea of Charleston Shop Curator to see if I wanted to photograph some ofCharleston's best tastemakers, I leaped at the chance to do this project (Truth be told, I sort of forced her to call me with my voodoo magic, but don't tell her that). Her roster of individuals included some of Charleston's leaders in the food & wine industry right now - coming from all corners of the business.

These people work tirelessly to give us the best dining and drinking experience that Charleston is known for.  And on the cusp of the Charleston Wine + Food Festival, the timing was perfect to highlight these amazing people in a way they don't normally get to be shown to the public.

Since these people are usually seen and photographed in their apron, chef jacket, crocs, Andrea and her partner, Venita, had the great idea enhancing their already amazing styles with a fashion shoot.  And lucky for us, Cannon Green graciously let us shoot with their beautiful restaurant as the backdrop to our great shoot.

Did I mention I love what I do?

If you aren't familiar with these names, I highly recommend you get familiar with them. Each of these F+B pros bring something uniquely amazing to the experience of food in the Charleston Area.

Standing on the edge

We are all standing on the edge. Nobody can be certain of what's to come and take us away or what will be left at our feet. Some days, there are small treasures to be found in the tides that change before our eyes. And others, it feels like there is nothing left...that everything has been taken away in the current and swept back out to sea, leaving us empty handed and broken.

One thing I know is that the treasures will come. If you stand still long enough in the same spot, they will be deposited at your feet like gifts from the sea. If you move, you will find them if you look hard enough. But the treasures will always find you. No matter what.

Be patient. And breathe. It will all come in due time.

Below my Feet

"Keep the earth below my feet
For all my sweat, my blood runs weak
Let me learn from where I have been
Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn
Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn."

Below my Feet, Mumford and Sons

The broken things

Botany Bay Seashell - taken with my iPhone

There is beauty in the broken things. Those jagged edges and cracked parts are only spaces that allow you to see inside - into the heart - where the beauty hides.

There is beauty in the broken things.

The edge of things

For those of you unfamiliar with pluff mud, it's been described as "the slippery, shiny brown-gray, sucky mud, with a distinctive smell like none other, of the tidal flats and spartina grass salt marshes.  Unpredictable in its sucking power, when you step in it, you could sink up to your ankles, or up to your knees, or even to your hips.  And if you sink up to your knees, you can pull yourself out, but do not plan on retrieving necessarily your shoes unless they are tightly laced."

Pluff mud is designed to trap you...suck you in and not let go. It's what borders us from the solid ground we are confident from which we safely stand and the fluid waters that will whisk us swiftly away from everything safe and secure and known. If you think too much, you'll get stuck there. You will be left trapped in the in-between, struggling to free yourself from a losing battle of man vs. mud.

Like any difficult edge, pluff mud is tricky to navigate. And it's always deeper and wider than you expect it to be. The struggle seems deeper when you have sunk hip deep in the sticky, silty, sucky mess. But you can get out. There is a way. You just have to make a choice. You can crawl back to the safe, dry land or float out to the unpredictable currents of water that can whisk you away to new places...parts undiscovered by your soul.

The choice is yours.

Organic Farming

You wouldn't think farming would be one of those careers that would require the tender care and patience of a mom with a newborn, but it does. The sleepless nights. The worry. The patience. The uncertainty. They all come with the territory. And decision making for times of crisis come along when you least expect it.

When unknowns come along like cold snaps, flooded fields and bugs feasting happily on your delicate plants, you are left as heartbroken as a parent watching their child struggle through an illness they picked up at that birthday party over at the Chuckie Cheese's. Helpless and frustrated, you do what you can. And you ride the wave in hopes that it's not a total loss.

Then there is the blood, sweat and tears that go into it. The reading. The research. The uncertainty. But you keep pressing on, like a weary soldier. You do the work because it's your passion and joy. For the organic farmer, there is no easy answer. There is no shortcut.

Just like parenting, it's all just trial and error. And hard, hard work paired with a whole lotta love and care.

For more information on Jim, his farm share and his awesome ingredients, visit his website.

The Internship

The Intern - with Andrea from Charleston Shop Curator

I have a special treat today! I had an intern with me all week last week...an intern also known as my 13 year old son - Graham. We had quite a busy week of shoots and meetings and all things shown to people who run small businesses like invoicing and estimates and emails and...well...you get the idea.

I also showed him the ins and outs of social media and blogging (one of the biggest parts of my days). So as a treat, I asked him to write about his experience on the week and what we did.

So without further delay....here it is! Take it away GRAHAM!

____________________________________________

The Potato Roll from O-Ku, Charleston, SC

This past week I was on an internship with my mom, Libby of Libby Williams Photographs. All in all, this whole week has been really fun. I got to experience the weird schedule that my mom has, the people she works with, and all the things it takes to run a business of your own. We had a lot of shooting this week, but did some other really important things that it takes to run a business (like blogging, social media and billing!).

On Monday, we went to Botany Bay Plantation and Steamboat Landing down in Edisto for a personal project she was working on. Tuesday afternoon and evening, we had a photo shoot at a new restaurant in town called 5 Church with the Charleston Shop Curator and The Cocktail Bandits. It was part fashion and part food and lots of fun! Wednesday was a shoot at the Asian restaurant O-Ku – which was my personal favorite – with the Charleston Shop Curator again. It was more fashion, food and fun which seems to be a theme they are working on together (I could get used to that!). And finally on Friday morning, we had a photo shoot with the owner of Compost in My Shoe (Jim) where we photographed him and the process of what it takes to run an organic farm. This is an ongoing project my mom is working on with Jim and has been happening for about a year.

Of course there was lots of other business I learned about, but the shoots for me were the highlight of what we did.

The whole week has been amazing and a truly fun. Who knew work could be fun! Sadly this might be the last time I intern with her... so thank you so much mom for everything that you do and this amazing experience I got to share with you!

_____________

Awwww...you are welcome buddy! I am going to miss my little pack mule next week. Come back anytime!