Dear Mom.

There is nothing I can say today that I haven't already said over the years. The days get easier as time moves on. We are slowly healing from the wounds that were left after you were gone...but those deep wounds and holes of emptiness get filled with things that aren't real.

The days still come. Swiftly at first. And then less so. But they come whether we want them to or not, whether we expect them or not. We just know how to navigate through the choppy waters a little better now.

Every day I miss something about you...both of you. I can't express in words what it's like to live on a planet without you. Suddenly, I am aware of being exposed and completely alone - naked on a boat in the middle of the ocean with no oars and no land in sight. It feels uncomfortable and so unfamiliar.

You look for ways to make it more comfortable...more tolerable. But soon you realize that nothing works to heal it. It just "is." You have to go through it now. You just have to paddle somehow with what you have and get to the other side.

I have been paddling for 9 years. Nine. That's a long time. But today, instead of resting, I will keep paddling. I will keep moving towards something...towards a shoreline of something bigger than me. And in it, I will try to enjoy the adventure. Embrace the unknown.  I will use everything you gave me and taught me and showed me and said to me as a compass...a guiding light to bring me home.

Lessons

I love learning new things. I am admittedly a perfectionist which can get in the way sometimes. But I really believe learning new things can be life changing.

Okay...sure....maybe a single golf lesson can't change your life. But I am a firm believer that learning a new skill can give anyone a chance to approach the things they do every day just a little differently. So perfecting and practicing that frustrating golf swing could open up a new opportunity with a skill you are trying to perfect at work (hello, WordPress!). Or maybe learning a new recipe actually helps catapult those changes in your diet you have been hoping to make. Sometimes the change is directly related, and sometimes...not so much.

Whether you sign up for a golf lesson, take a cooking class or listen to a new podcast, learning something new is a great way to change the direction of our current path. It's a great way to open ourselves up to the possibilities of something new.

EAT YOUR GREENS

EAT YOUR GREENS!!!!

(I guess he listened.)

In other news - this guy is the greatest!

Standing on the edge

We are all standing on the edge. Nobody can be certain of what's to come and take us away or what will be left at our feet. Some days, there are small treasures to be found in the tides that change before our eyes. And others, it feels like there is nothing left...that everything has been taken away in the current and swept back out to sea, leaving us empty handed and broken.

One thing I know is that the treasures will come. If you stand still long enough in the same spot, they will be deposited at your feet like gifts from the sea. If you move, you will find them if you look hard enough. But the treasures will always find you. No matter what.

Be patient. And breathe. It will all come in due time.

The broken things

Botany Bay Seashell - taken with my iPhone

There is beauty in the broken things. Those jagged edges and cracked parts are only spaces that allow you to see inside - into the heart - where the beauty hides.

There is beauty in the broken things.

The edge of things

For those of you unfamiliar with pluff mud, it's been described as "the slippery, shiny brown-gray, sucky mud, with a distinctive smell like none other, of the tidal flats and spartina grass salt marshes.  Unpredictable in its sucking power, when you step in it, you could sink up to your ankles, or up to your knees, or even to your hips.  And if you sink up to your knees, you can pull yourself out, but do not plan on retrieving necessarily your shoes unless they are tightly laced."

Pluff mud is designed to trap you...suck you in and not let go. It's what borders us from the solid ground we are confident from which we safely stand and the fluid waters that will whisk us swiftly away from everything safe and secure and known. If you think too much, you'll get stuck there. You will be left trapped in the in-between, struggling to free yourself from a losing battle of man vs. mud.

Like any difficult edge, pluff mud is tricky to navigate. And it's always deeper and wider than you expect it to be. The struggle seems deeper when you have sunk hip deep in the sticky, silty, sucky mess. But you can get out. There is a way. You just have to make a choice. You can crawl back to the safe, dry land or float out to the unpredictable currents of water that can whisk you away to new places...parts undiscovered by your soul.

The choice is yours.

Organic Farming

You wouldn't think farming would be one of those careers that would require the tender care and patience of a mom with a newborn, but it does. The sleepless nights. The worry. The patience. The uncertainty. They all come with the territory. And decision making for times of crisis come along when you least expect it.

When unknowns come along like cold snaps, flooded fields and bugs feasting happily on your delicate plants, you are left as heartbroken as a parent watching their child struggle through an illness they picked up at that birthday party over at the Chuckie Cheese's. Helpless and frustrated, you do what you can. And you ride the wave in hopes that it's not a total loss.

Then there is the blood, sweat and tears that go into it. The reading. The research. The uncertainty. But you keep pressing on, like a weary soldier. You do the work because it's your passion and joy. For the organic farmer, there is no easy answer. There is no shortcut.

Just like parenting, it's all just trial and error. And hard, hard work paired with a whole lotta love and care.

For more information on Jim, his farm share and his awesome ingredients, visit his website.

The Internship

The Intern - with Andrea from Charleston Shop Curator

I have a special treat today! I had an intern with me all week last week...an intern also known as my 13 year old son - Graham. We had quite a busy week of shoots and meetings and all things shown to people who run small businesses like invoicing and estimates and emails and...well...you get the idea.

I also showed him the ins and outs of social media and blogging (one of the biggest parts of my days). So as a treat, I asked him to write about his experience on the week and what we did.

So without further delay....here it is! Take it away GRAHAM!

____________________________________________

The Potato Roll from O-Ku, Charleston, SC

This past week I was on an internship with my mom, Libby of Libby Williams Photographs. All in all, this whole week has been really fun. I got to experience the weird schedule that my mom has, the people she works with, and all the things it takes to run a business of your own. We had a lot of shooting this week, but did some other really important things that it takes to run a business (like blogging, social media and billing!).

On Monday, we went to Botany Bay Plantation and Steamboat Landing down in Edisto for a personal project she was working on. Tuesday afternoon and evening, we had a photo shoot at a new restaurant in town called 5 Church with the Charleston Shop Curator and The Cocktail Bandits. It was part fashion and part food and lots of fun! Wednesday was a shoot at the Asian restaurant O-Ku – which was my personal favorite – with the Charleston Shop Curator again. It was more fashion, food and fun which seems to be a theme they are working on together (I could get used to that!). And finally on Friday morning, we had a photo shoot with the owner of Compost in My Shoe (Jim) where we photographed him and the process of what it takes to run an organic farm. This is an ongoing project my mom is working on with Jim and has been happening for about a year.

Of course there was lots of other business I learned about, but the shoots for me were the highlight of what we did.

The whole week has been amazing and a truly fun. Who knew work could be fun! Sadly this might be the last time I intern with her... so thank you so much mom for everything that you do and this amazing experience I got to share with you!

_____________

Awwww...you are welcome buddy! I am going to miss my little pack mule next week. Come back anytime!

Patatas Bravas

One of my favorite adventures to date. A fashion/food shoot with my favorite fashionista - Charleston Shop Curator and Indaco Restaurant in Charleston. I can't wait to share the rest of this delicious bounty. But for now, you can feast on these Patatas Bravas from Sunday brunch....highly recommend!

Happy New Year

Step by step. Mile by mile. We will find our way... together.

Looking forward to a Happy New Year.

My Remedy

I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be
So desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breath
Right before my eyes I saw my heart, it came to life
This ain't easy it's not meant to be
Every story has it's scars

When the pain cuts you deep
When the night keeps you from sleeping
Just look and you will see
That I will be your remedy
When the world seems so cruel
And your heart makes you feel like a fool
I promise you will see
That I will be, I will be your remedy

No river is too wide or too deep for me to swim to you
Come whatever I'll be the shelter that won't let the rain come through
Your love, it is my truth
And I will always love you...
Love you

When the pain cuts you deep
When the night keeps you from sleeping
Just look and you will see
That I will be your remedy
When the world seems so cruel
And your heart makes you feel like a fool
I promise you will see
That I will be, I will be your remedy

When the pain cuts you deep
When the night keeps you from sleeping
Just look and you will see
I will be, I will be
When the world seems so cruel
And your heart makes you feel like a fool
I promise you will see
That I will be, I will be, I will be...
Your Remedy

- Adele

Give Thanks. Show Gratitude.

This is the season of gratitude. It's a celebration of all the things we have in our lives to be grateful for - big and small, bad and good, easy and difficult. 

As much as I try to show and celebrate thankfulness and gratitude every day, I count Thanksgiving week as the reset on this essential part of living a whole and fulfilling life. It's a good time to sit back and reflect on all the things that have happened, regardless of their nature - both bad and good, happy and sad. It's like an emotional hip-check on thankfulness and a gentle reminder that things we have to be grateful for come in all different shapes and sizes.

This sweet pause this week is something I don't take for granted as we swiftly slide into the season of abundance and love. I think Thanksgiving fits nicely with the the coming Holidays, becoming a reminder to not give without love or receive without gratitude.

So today I give thanks, for all the things in my life - the lessons, the life and the love. I am thankful for family and friends, the work I get to do, and the life I get to live. It's all part of what makes me who I am and all part of what has put me on the path to what I want to do with this one sweet life.

And to all of you who support, love and motivate me in all parts of my life...Thank you. I am forever grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The support of the crowd

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Acrobatics at the Charleston Parks Conservancy's Party for the Parks.

If you really think about it, life is a lot like a series of strung together circus acts. Juggling, twirling, death-defying and the center ring are all parts of everyday life. The only thing missing is the cheering, gasping crowd. After I perform acts of life-changing kindness or jaw-dropping stunts in my life, I think the support of a crowd, cheering behind me would be enough to motivate me to move on to the next impossible act.

Hands full

A handful of shells.

There are moments that I feel like my hands and life are full. So full, that I stop to appreciate all the little nuances I have picked up along the way. All I am concerned about are the other things I still have coming my way that I have to hold precariously in the pile that I struggle to fit in my hands already. What if I drop something? What if I forget something? How will I manage it all?

But I believe if you pay attention, you quickly come to find while sorting through that excessive handful of items that there are certain things that are junk and others that are valuable and worth holding on to for a while - if for nothing more than the experience of it all. Maybe what you are holding is teaching you a lesson. Maybe it's there to show you a different way of seeing something. Whatever the reason, there are lessons in all the nuances and things - large and small.

Look closely next time your hands are full. What can you drop – a relationship or a task? What will you have room for – a new experience or some free time? There is almost always something you can let go of. And there is always something you can learn from.

Breaking down

There is a remarkable beauty in the breaking down.

Rising Waters

iPhone photo. Taken during one of the biggest rain storms I have ever seen in Charleston.

I am under water. Flooded out. Sinking into the rising waters that are slowly inching their way up around me.

Some days, I feel like I have been here forever - ankle deep in rising waters. I never noticed it before. The waters rise so slowly sometimes, you just get used to wading around in them. Other times, the rains come in fast - like a hurricane leaving you with nothing to cling to except the overwhelming notion that you are here and the only choices are to sink or swim.

Sink or swim. Sink or swim. Sink or swim.

This is the soundtrack in my head right now. But I am not sure how to get to dry land. I only know how to swim. I don't know which direction to go. And I can't possibly carry this load with me. Something has to give. Some things have to go. Survival mode doesn't let you carry dead weight. It only lets you save yourself.

Thankfully, I am a strong swimmer. And prepared for the long haul ahead.

The lesson of the mandala

Nature mandala by Faith Evans Sills for the Cooper School. Photo by me.

Sometimes in life, we need to be reminded of things.

We need to be reminded on occasion that we are not the center of it all.

We need to be reminded that we are a piece in a whole fragile, precious balance and most of the time that is out of our power. It resides in the power of the universe.

Some days we need to know that this world and universe has bigger plans for us than this day... this hour... this minute.

And we need to remember that we are complete and whole in our imperfect selves.

Mostly, we need to remember that life is meant to be ever changing. Don't cling to hard on the things you have or the possessions you hold with such truth. Because tomorrow, they will be gone. Blown away with the wind. Taken out with the tides of life that change in every moment.

There are no accidents. Lean into the beauty and the hardships. Lean into the joy and the pain. It is all part of one big lesson that we are simply here to learn from and add to the collection of the image of our lives.
 

Puzzles and life

An iPhone photo of the worlds most impossible puzzle.

Those that know me know that I am a huge fan of puzzles. I enjoy the challenge of a big puzzle and the gratification of the seeing all the pieces come together in harmony to create the final picture.

One thing I have learned from puzzling is that sometimes you just have to leave a parts of a puzzle alone - walk away from it. Or work on a different corner while scouring those pieces for the solution. They are always there, but often you aren't seeing them as they need to be seen. You need a different perspective. Its only after that shift - that moment away - that the picture takes shape, coming into focus, fitting the image you wanted to create in the first place.

If you think about it, that's a lot like life. Often, we force pieces that don't belong in next to each other, searching for answers in places they really aren't. All the while, all it is we need is a little rest, perspective and change of view. Or perhaps some time to work on a different corner of our world in order for it all to come together how it's supposed to.

Just remember, its the middle part that is always the hardest.

The tides of change

A Full moon high tide at Shem Creek. Taken with my iPhone 6.

There are things I know for certain.

One of the things I know is that change will come, regardless of whether I want it to or not. And no matter how predictable that change, it still can catch me a little off guard. I know the seasons change, but when that happens is never determined perfectly on a calendar or clock. I know, too, that the tides will come and go, but the size of those tides is sometimes a little unpredictable and leaves behind flood waters so deep, I am not quite sure how to navigate them.

I find the best way to get through change - whether wanted or not - is be fluid. Change always seems to happen on its own terms. When I am anticipating it and wishing for it, it takes it's time getting to me. And when I begrudge it, it seems to happen more swiftly than I would have hoped for, ignorant to my pleas of mercy.

I find that the more I fight change, the less energy I have for the important things - like puzzles and beach walks and sunset chats. So now when change comes my way, I just try take a deep breath and close my eyes and remember - This, too, shall pass.

I have been here before...standing in these flood waters. So now, when the change comes again, I will be more prepared to breathe into those heavy currents.

Getting lost in the Books.

"Anyone who said they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book." -Unknown

I could wander aimlessly around old bookstores and libraries. The musty smells, the lofty dreams, the vast knowledge. They are all reason for me to take to meandering through the aisles and getting lost between pages for hours on end, never to pick my head up out of the possibility of life..