The lesson of the mandala

Nature mandala by Faith Evans Sills for the Cooper School. Photo by me.

Sometimes in life, we need to be reminded of things.

We need to be reminded on occasion that we are not the center of it all.

We need to be reminded that we are a piece in a whole fragile, precious balance and most of the time that is out of our power. It resides in the power of the universe.

Some days we need to know that this world and universe has bigger plans for us than this day... this hour... this minute.

And we need to remember that we are complete and whole in our imperfect selves.

Mostly, we need to remember that life is meant to be ever changing. Don't cling to hard on the things you have or the possessions you hold with such truth. Because tomorrow, they will be gone. Blown away with the wind. Taken out with the tides of life that change in every moment.

There are no accidents. Lean into the beauty and the hardships. Lean into the joy and the pain. It is all part of one big lesson that we are simply here to learn from and add to the collection of the image of our lives.
 

Puzzles and life

An iPhone photo of the worlds most impossible puzzle.

Those that know me know that I am a huge fan of puzzles. I enjoy the challenge of a big puzzle and the gratification of the seeing all the pieces come together in harmony to create the final picture.

One thing I have learned from puzzling is that sometimes you just have to leave a parts of a puzzle alone - walk away from it. Or work on a different corner while scouring those pieces for the solution. They are always there, but often you aren't seeing them as they need to be seen. You need a different perspective. Its only after that shift - that moment away - that the picture takes shape, coming into focus, fitting the image you wanted to create in the first place.

If you think about it, that's a lot like life. Often, we force pieces that don't belong in next to each other, searching for answers in places they really aren't. All the while, all it is we need is a little rest, perspective and change of view. Or perhaps some time to work on a different corner of our world in order for it all to come together how it's supposed to.

Just remember, its the middle part that is always the hardest.

The tides of change

A Full moon high tide at Shem Creek. Taken with my iPhone 6.

There are things I know for certain.

One of the things I know is that change will come, regardless of whether I want it to or not. And no matter how predictable that change, it still can catch me a little off guard. I know the seasons change, but when that happens is never determined perfectly on a calendar or clock. I know, too, that the tides will come and go, but the size of those tides is sometimes a little unpredictable and leaves behind flood waters so deep, I am not quite sure how to navigate them.

I find the best way to get through change - whether wanted or not - is be fluid. Change always seems to happen on its own terms. When I am anticipating it and wishing for it, it takes it's time getting to me. And when I begrudge it, it seems to happen more swiftly than I would have hoped for, ignorant to my pleas of mercy.

I find that the more I fight change, the less energy I have for the important things - like puzzles and beach walks and sunset chats. So now when change comes my way, I just try take a deep breath and close my eyes and remember - This, too, shall pass.

I have been here before...standing in these flood waters. So now, when the change comes again, I will be more prepared to breathe into those heavy currents.

Getting lost in the Books.

"Anyone who said they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book." -Unknown

I could wander aimlessly around old bookstores and libraries. The musty smells, the lofty dreams, the vast knowledge. They are all reason for me to take to meandering through the aisles and getting lost between pages for hours on end, never to pick my head up out of the possibility of life.. 

Remember this...

Happy 1st Birthday, Baby Sam!

Remember this.

Every day is important. Each and every moment is significant - the small ones and the big ones. Don't forget that. Document what you can. And print your memories. Save them. Treasure them and keep them close. Because in a blink of an eye those babies are celebrating their first birthday. Or in 3rd grade. Or thirteen going on thirty. And you have no idea how you got here. You have no concept of how to keep up with them and stop time from slipping through your fingers. It's like holding water in your open hands.

If you asked me - even before I was a professional photographer - I would have told you the same thing I would tell you today: take those photos, print them out, save them, and honor them like the priceless treasures they are. That way, when you can't remember what silly face they made when they were 2 or the way their sweet lips looked curiously, the photos will at least give you some way of finding that memory you tucked away for all those years ago.

So capture it all. Those precious first days of school. Homework in February. Celebratory swim meets. Ordinary afternoons. They are all significant.

They are all worth remembering.

45/45

1. Don't take the little things for granted. They are what weave the fabric of your life.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff.
3. 90% of the things we worry about happening never even come to pass. So stop the worrying. It's wasting precious hours you could be doing something else like sleeping or doing a puzzle.
4. Do a puzzle.
5. Take special and gentle care of yourself. There is only one you.
6. Work hard and stay focused on a goal. You will get there. It just may not be as easy as you think.
7. Walk. It's the easiest form of exercise. Don't overthink it. Just move.
8. Engage with everything. Your family. Your friends. Your pets. But especially your children. Give them 100% of your focus at the moment. Nothing else matters but them. If it does, then pardon yourself until you can engage. Nothing feels worse than to be half-important enough to someone. 
9. Don't be afraid to love. Take the risk.
10. Follow your heart and listen closely to your head.
11. Learn the difference between the voice of fear in your head and that of caution. They are very different. Fear wants to hold you back. Caution wants you to be careful moving forward. Those are very different things.
12. Put down the screens. Engage. Talk. Look at the world. It's way more interesting.
13. Follow your own beat. Dance to your own rhythm.
14. Floss. Seriously. It's important.
15. Stop telling yourself you can't.
16. Indulge yourself.
17. Travel. Far and wide. Nothing stifles a human more than the ignorance of one place. See the world.
18. Sing. Loud and in your car. Quietly at church. Softly to your baby. Nobody cares what you sound like. Just do it.
19. See as many sunsets as you can. They are all different. They are all worth it.
20. Slow. Down.
21. Don't trust people who don't value the lives of other sentient beings. People who "hate" cats or dogs or children need to be approached cautiously.
22. Take a risk in life. A huge one.
23. Don't worry about failing or falling. It's how you learn.
24. Do the work - emotional, mental, & physical. Do it as early as you can.
25. Don't be lazy. Time is too precious.
26. Smell the roses.
27. Find a signature dish. And a signature drink. Own it. Make it for anyone important in your life. You have to practice something to be good at it. So find some willing taste testers.
28. Trust yourself. You know what you are doing as well as anyone else does.
29. Do not place yourself around people who make you feel bad about who you are. They are not worth your time.
30. Volunteer for something you believe in.
31. Things are not black and white in this world. There are a million shades of grey in between those 2 colors. A spectrum of ideas and thoughts and beliefs and people. We are all different in some ways and yet we are all the same.
32. Eat consciously. Be mindful of what you choose. Food as close to nature as you can get it and as close to your home as you can find it are always a good idea.
33. We are all fighting some battle. We all have a story. Stop judging everyone. Including yourself.
34. Second chances are a special gift. Treat them as such.
35. Stop carrying around that which doesn't belong to you. Right now. Just put it down and walk away.
36. Laugh as often as you can.
37. Find blind faith in something. The power of believing in something is real.
38. Stop worrying about what you look like right now. Take that cover-up off and dive in. The water is warm and very forgiving.
39. Always know when to say goodbye.
40. Celebrate yourself each year. In whatever way seems to fit you.
41. Always sparkle - but like a diamond, not a disco ball.
42. Less is always more. Get rid of the junk.
43. Learn how to edit everything - your life, your writing, your space. It will serve you well.
44. Fresh cut flowers are always a good idea.
45. So is a good bottle of wine.

Victory

Surfers Healing Event. Folly Beach, SC

The joy of victory is such an amazing feeling. That feeling when you accomplish something you thought was bigger than yourself is always something to celebrate - no matter how big or small. Victories are life's way of showing you strength that hides in places we often don't recognize.

This week, I got to witness hundreds of victories - small and large. I went out the the Surfers Healing event held on Folly Beach to photograph a friend of mine who was volunteering and dedicates a great deal of time to this event every year. And I am so glad I got to see this event first hand. The love, joy and pride everyone felt there was palpable. 

This event got me thinking about victories though. Victories come in all shapes and sizes. And honestly, they look different for everyone. But the end result is always the same - beaming pride and joyful triumph. I saw it in the joyful faces of the kids as they rode waves into the shore. I caught the pride in the parent's eyes as they watched this their children feel normal for a short period of time. And I felt victory resonate from every volunteer on the beach helping these sweet children accomplish something they thought was perhaps bigger than them. These were all victories to be celebrated. 

Victories don't need to be sought out though. They only need to be noticed. They only need a hand in saying - look, I actually did this thing that I thought was bigger than me or I thought I couldn't do. It could be raising a special needs child on your own. It could be making a meal from scratch. Or it could be catching a wave into the shore. Some things deserve the reverence of victory!

Whatever shape victories take in our lives, they need to be celebrated and honored. Revered and noticed. Otherwise, your victories - small and large - lose their impact. And everything just becomes no big deal.

So go ahead and cheer for yourself! Be blatant! Ride that wave and celebrate yourself! Just go ahead and be victorious!

Throwback

I took this photo towards the beginning of the summer. My son came with me on a family shoot I had scheduled weeks prior and the weather was too nice to leave him at home - even though he wasn't super interested in coming with me.

I love stumbling across photos you forgot about...old ones and new ones. It sharpens the memories a little more so they aren't lost in the back of my mind as I shop for groceries or schedule vet appointments. These overlooked little gems are like tiny diamonds, once again cutting open that forgotten pathway to my heart.

Looking back at this photo, I can almost smell the ocean. I can feel the humid evening wind as it gently tousles his hair to and fro. I can remember the milky light that evening and the warmth of the sea. It all just comes back - melting into one memory and sealing it's way into my heart once again.

By the sea

We are happy by the sea.
Just you and me.
And a friend
or three.
Let's stay here and dance
in the waves
and romance
the notion of better days
and better nights ahead.
 

Thirteen

Here we are again...another year has gone, tucked away into our memories now. Hidden behind Christmases, vacations and birthdays and beachtrips. These days that pass often seem so long when we are in the middle of them while life steals precious seconds away from us. But our years together seem much too short for my aching heart as I watch you change overnight these days.

You are 13 now. Thirteen. Well on your way to becoming a man. No longer the little baby I held so close all those terribly short and fleeting years.

Where did it all go? It slipped by us in a flash, didn't it?  Karate lessons, school projects and carpool have given way to the young man I am looking at everyday now. Years slip by too quickly. But they have yielded a lovely and empathetic boy who is growing and already taller than me. It doesn't seem possible. This is never what I imagined. Yet, here we are. At thirteen.

I am not sure where we go from here. I am not sure what the next years look like. I fear the speed will start to pick up at a pace I cannot keep up with. Soon, college will be looming and I will not know what happened to these sweet, long days filled with cartoons and and too many screens. I will wonder why I didn't drag you kicking and screaming to the beach to watch more sunsets and let the warm waves wash over us. I will wonder how I have known you for so long, yet is seems like yesterday they handed me the chunky little baby who didn't look at all like a newborn in that hospital room all those years ago. Thirteen years ago.

Thirteen is new territory. It marks a definite change in things...in you. No longer a little boy. But yet not quite grown up. I stand here clinging to the past, yet so excited to see what the future holds for you. I know it will be filled with love and joy and strength - just as you are.

I hope this world doesn't change you too much. I hope you remember to stay as you are -  strong yet soft, curious and cautious, big with the knowledge of how small you really are in the grand scheme of it all. Mostly, I hope you remember all these wonderful gifts you have carried since birth. You have so many gifts - and they are far too big for wrappings and bows. They are real. They are what counts.

Today, I wish for you to blow out the candles on your cake and dream big. Make it count. And don't let anyone tell you that you can't have those dreams - not even me. Especially not me! I am sure I will do it. We parents make silly mistakes. We have our fears and beliefs. And we try to protect you from them as well. But those dreams are yours. Own them! They are real. Today is the day to start believing that. Today is the day to start believing in yourself even more than you ever have before. Because you are going to do great things. You are capable of anything.

Remember that I love you. There are 13 years between us on this planet, but an endless amount of years I have known you in my heart. And everyday, that love grows impossibly and exponentially bigger.

Happy Birthday, Graham. I am looking forward to every single long day and short year ahead.

Silver Linings

A gorgeous Lowcountry Sunset on James Island.

There are days that feel so hard and overwhelming that I spend the better part of them looking for some illusive silver lining. I wait so anxiously to get to the end of it so I can just see a tranquil sunset or find some moment of joy after the drudgery is over that I forget to appreciate what the struggle is teaching me.

Today has been one of those days. I am spinning my wheels, frustrated by circumstances instead of breathing into the lesson. It doesn't mean I can't look forward to the end of it to watch the sky turn magical hues of rainbow sherbert and cotton candy. It just means that maybe in these moments of pushing against, I should try breathing into it and surrendering to the lessons.

Maybe that's where the silver lining of my day is actually hidden - inside these little life lessons I have been trying to get through so quickly.

Time to breathe. And appreciate the day.

Part of my reality

It's funny to me how social media has changed our perspectives on reality. And I fall for it every time... "Why does their life look so amazing?" "Why am I not doing that?" "I need to step up my photography/life game." "They are SO lucky." Thoughts of an inadequate life rush into my head. Doubt begins to trump confidence and I stand on shaky ground.

Ironically, when I look back through my own Facebook photos and Instagram feed, I look like one of those people I seem to be wishing my life emulated. How can this be? What am I missing that I feel like my life doesn't look like this?

I think perhaps the reality of Life happens in between these delicious moments and take over the share of our brain. Laundry, grocery lists, and errands become front and center rather than these sweet spaces in between the shadows.

I know most of my life tends to look like a vacation according to Facebook. My Instagram account looks like a dream. And my Steller account make me appear to be the globe trotter I wish to become one day. But the reality is, that's only part of my reality. It just happens to be the parts I want to remember. I don't want my life to be a story of laundry and errands. I would much rather remember the lingering moments of joy that connect the rest.

Memory

Yesterday we went for a ride. It wasn't long. Or significant. It was just...different. We don't have a great neighborhood for biking and exploring. It's rather small and bordered by some busy streets which makes it hard for us to explore the rest of the surrounding areas. So I love getting out of here and doing something a little new. So yesterday, I decided we needed to ride bikes through the local county park for a change of scenery.

I haven't been doing nearly enough of this over the course of this summer...or even my life. And the older He gets, the more out of reach it all feels. But these days are fleeting. I have realized that more this summer than ever before. I can feel it coming like a summer storm over the horizon. He is getting older. Changing daily. He is becoming more and more weary of my company - as teenagers do. But I persist and demand...because I can. After all, this is part of the growing process, isn't it?

So while I struggled to push the pedals around on my rental with low tires, I watched him glide effortlessly in front of me, pointing to flora and fauna, asking questions, remarking on things, and speaking of things 13 year-old boys speak of. And I watched and listened and responded when I could. And struggled along behind, trying to keep up with him - as I feel will be the theme over the next 5 years. 

So now, the memory is there. It's permanent and locked away in my heart. Nothing can take it away. I may not remember the details surrounding it all. But I will remember the feeling I have today - happy I had a few more moments to steal. Happy to spend time with the one I love the most. Happy to be forever his momma - no matter what path life takes us down.

A Summer Walk

Scenes from a summertime walk. Sticky weather. Salty air. And sulfury smells.

I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

Building Castles

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. ”

— Henry David Thoreau

Summer

Summer is about sandy feet and naps on the beach. It's about long walks in the woods and long nights by the campfire. It's about sun and salt and sea air. Or fishing poles and lakeside docks. It's about kicking off those shoes and doing something different, breathing into the extra space of longer days and even longer nights.

It's summer. Live in it. Love in it. Just enjoy every bit of it.

Luck

I don't believe much in luck. Luck leaves your fate to chance and silly superstitions laden in black cats, 4 leaf clovers and pots of gold at the end of rainbows. You are not in control of luck. It's in control of you. It chooses when and where and undermines your confidence and belief in yourself. If you believe in luck, you believe in giving your power away.

I do believe in gratitude and hard work. I know that the power of confidence and simply believing in yourself can take you to places you could never dream of and to places luck only dreams of.

You are in control of your very own destiny. You have the choice to put yourself where you choose by telling yourself a story luck doesn't understand. You have the power to make your life happen the way you see it - without the help of some random chance that a patch of clover can deliver.

I believe in the combined power of hard work and dreams. Because that is where our greatness lies.

That is where our power is. Hiding underneath it all, blocked by luck.

Giants

It is humbling...the presence of these trees. To stand in the glory of a giant Redwood tree is to be in awe of life as I know it. Their ripened age, their sheer size, the history they have seen.... It's an incredible experience. Once that I knew on my recent trip to the West Coast I must experience again in my lifetime.

Deep in the forest there is such a silence. Yet through the quiet stillness, you feel the energy. Water runs, breezes blow, birds busily build their nests, and creatures crawl swiftly across the forest floor in search of their next meal or their next home.

And yet, there they are - these grand trees. These Redwoods. The giants of our living world. There they stand - still and stoic amongst the bustle of life all around then. There they stand, supporting us all in their quiet stillness while they provide, shelter, nourish, and nurture - never asking for a thing in return.

To me, this is where I feel alive and protected. This is where I feel safe and still. These giants can't fail me. They can only protect. I know this in my heart.

And as I walk out of the forest, I am sure I can hear their gentle voices through the breezy afternoon whispering sweet nothings in my ear.

Baby Love

Baby love. On the beach.

Sweet, sweet baby love. This shoot with Monica and her sweet family seems surreal in a way. I knew her when we were both single, young professionals and our lives were much, much different. Now here we are, years later, with kids of our own and families to take care of. It seems like a lifetime has gone by in a few short years.

Lucky for both of us, it's a lifetime of love and memories.

Beach Days

Tousled beach hair. Prickly, sticky, salty air. Twisty wind and choppy waves.

We are definitely in the thick of summer's beachy days.