The Road to Authenticity.

Sometimes you find yourself wondering how it is you ended up in the place you have landed. Maybe your dreams were different or bigger than where you are right now. Maybe you imagined yourself halfway around the world by now. Or maybe you just are stuck with a beat-up old life that you are dragging around behind you.

If you stop for a minute to soak it all in - I mean, REALLY soak up where you are and where you have been and where you are standing right now - you will come to find that you are, in fact, EXACTLY where you were ever meant to be in that moment.

When that all sinks in - no matter how good or bad the spot, you will eventually find that you are really on the very road to discovering something you never even knew existed. And the overwhelming excitement of that alone is one of the best parts of not knowing where you are or where you are going. Because this is the sign...the BIG SIGN. This is the very sign that tells you that are on the road to living the most authentic life you could ever imagine.

Enjoy the road. Enjoy the ride.

Twelve and a bit.

He is changing so much these days. Watching him grow and change before my eyes sorta makes me feel like I am watching a time lapse video of a plant emerging from the soil. It happens so fast. And each day I am sure he is another inch taller. Each moment, his face looks a little bit different.

I have many nephews. I have seen this happen up close and personal. I have watched them all emerge as young men in a matter of what seemed weeks. For the life of me, I just can't understand how it all happens so fast. Before you know it, 10 years of your life are gone. You blink again, and 20 years have passed you by like lightening. They become men.

These days are just slipping through my fingers. I hate how quick it's all happening. I hate that in a few short years, he will be off with friends on all-weekend benders. I hate that a few years after that he will be off at college and I will see him a half a dozen times a year - and beg him to shave and get a haircut and let me wash his clothes and feed him something nutritious.

If I could just slow it down a little more. If I could just pause the clock and sit with him on the couch for a few more minutes...if nothing more than just to watch him grow.

Happy 10 Years.

Today has been 10 years that I have been in this home. Ten whole years. It's the longest I have lived in one home since I have been on my own.

When I originally stumbled across this place 10 years ago, I fell in love. But like many of the homes at the bubble of the housing boom in America, it had already had an offer on it. I came into the house feeling completely defeated and worn out. Because this place FELT like home to me. The huge, grassy yard. The quaint, white picket fences. The sweet, cottage feel. It suited everything about me at that time. Nothing needed any real work. A few light fixtures and perhaps a new coat of paint. That was all I really wanted. And it was right here, waiting for me.

Obviously, it all worked out in my favor. The other offer fell through. I eventually came up with a figure they could live with and we were finally on our way to a settled life rooted down in a great city.

I haven't changed much about these 2100 square feet all in the 10 years I have lived here. My furniture still sits in virtually the same spots as when I moved here 10 years ago. My kitchen is still painted the same sage color with the same Lowe's cabinets as the day I signed the paperwork declaring that this place was mine. But even though this place and it's contents haven't changed much, there has been a lot of changes around me. My mother, who we swiftly pulled up the 2 steps into my home in her cumbersome wheelchair, is now gone. So is my father, who helped me hang the dining room light fixture and slept in my guest room for a few months after my mother passed away. My sister – who visited me for a few weeks after my father passed away - just died last year. I have a few grey hairs and some more pounds to speak of. And my sweet little boy has grown from a little toddler to a full blown teenager - sass and all.

I suppose I haven't changed much about my home for this very reason. So much else has changed...that the sweet, calming, grounding sense I get from my home is perfect for me. I love coming home to the predictability of my outdated kitchen, my comfortable furniture and my familiarly hued walls.

I feel the need to thank my humble home for it's support and love over the years. It has comforted me and calmed me after long days and sad events. It's has supported me and protected me from harsh weather and storms. It has cradled me to sleep and held me through some tough economic times as a self-employed single mom who is just trying to make her way in this world.

I often have said "I just want to keep us in our home." Instead, what I realize is this home has been keeping me all these years.

Happy 10 years, Little Home. I can't wait to see what the next 10 bring us.

The Rebirth of Spring.

By now, you may have figured out some of my favorite things are A) spring; B) flowers; C) all things spring; D) and some food.

It's true. And this time of year, I am quite shameless about my posts of flowers and sprouts and sunshine and weather.

I can't stop myself from feeling inspired at this time of year. And I usually ride the wave. While I do love winter and all it's bleak, sleepy, cocooning glory, I seem to embrace the energy of spring the most. The possibilities seem endless and inspiration is everywhere.

We are approaching my most favorite week of all - Easter week. While we are getting ready for an egg hunt - complete with plastic eggs and far too much chocolate- Spring awaits. The concept of Spring and Rebirth is embodied in this very holiday. The chance of refreshing and renewing one's life lies in every bloom, in every egg, in every little new life emerging right now. It seems to beg for us to rewrite those New Year's Resolutions into something we REALLY feel passion for.

Spring makes me feel rebirth is possible on every front. It makes me ready to embrace change once again. It makes me want to push through all the blocks and set my dreams free - like chicks from the egg...ready to fly away at any moment.

Love Cake

Love - in it's purest form - is iced with joy-flavored frosting.

So cut a big piece, dig in, and savor every morsel.

Happy Weekend friends.

xo

Baby Basil

Grow, little babies. G R  O   W  

Stretch your baby arms up to the big blue sky.

Drink in the water and the rain and the sun.

And stretch high... higher than you ever thought possible.

With all the hope of being in my belly in a few short weeks.

Grow, baby basil. GROW!

Miracles

This may not be my best photo. But it may be my favorite photo ever! My child wants to earn some money, so dishes go for $1 a night around here. I think he's pretty lucky.

I think I am right now too!

Props

Today I was shooting a product here at my house that was screaming for these delicate babies  as props.

I have been shooting more and more propped, staged shots recently and I am LOVING it. I love setting a bit of a scene without making the shot appear to have been staged. I always want anything I shoot to look like someone just dropped the items in the photos as they appear. Those excellent photos you see in magazines - never like that. Those shots take multiple professionals and hours of labor to make the photographs appear the way they do.

The trick in the world of commercial (and often personal) photography is to make it all look like it just happened naturally and without effort. The real truth is it all takes work. So even though it all looks effortlessly perfect, the good looking stuff stuff always happens with a lot of work and elbow grease.

Isn't that really true about everything though? Haven't we been taught that the real stuff takes work and props and hours of preparation? So why do we still ruminate on other peoples lovely Facebook photos and their well-curated lives? Why is it that we feel the need to compete with something that has been staged and propped beyond comprehension? Those friends of yours at Disney World in their matching outfits....that just didn't happen magically. Take your filters off. There is a lot you may not be seeing. Tantrums. Threats. Bribery. A mom with PMS and a dad with a hangover. It all looks good in the photograph. But it's all propped the same as my commercial shoots always are. Outfits are bought ahead of time. Tickets were purchased well in advance. Travel plans coordinated months prior to the posting of the photo. And that photo - they knew exactly where they wanted it taken. It wasn't a happy accident. It rarely ever is.

So my advice is this: Take the lenses off. Remove the props. Things are the same on the other side of the screen for all of us. The struggle for perfection can be real for some people. But don't buy in. Because the real stuff is where you get to the juicy center part. That's where life is lived.

And those props...they are just there to soften those hard edges. 

Test Model

Getting ready for a shoot is painful work for puppydogs! And in honor of National Puppydog Day, she was my model choice for a light check today. 

As you can see, being adorable is torture. Such hard work, Bella.

I feel your pain girl. I feel your pain.

A Sunday in Springtime.

A happy Springtime Sunday: flowers, flip flops, fancy toes...and some rain showers to round out a lovely and lingering afternoon.

The fight against Time.

These days are limited...these days of innocence and youth and wonder. We are on the precipice of something huge for this boy. He has literally (and I do mean literally) grown over and inch in a month. It's a matter of days on the calendar that I will be looking up at that sweet round face and those gorgeous green eyes. It's a matter of days that I will be worrying more than I ever could have imagined possible.

But days where playing card games is cool are coming to an all too brief ending. And as excited as I am for him, I have to say that I am equally as heartbroken that Time has to be so cruel. She has already stolen so much from me: My age. My baby. My parents. She steals the innocence of a pure heart...full of wonder, hope and possibility.

I will fight Time and her jaded ways. I will battle her every step of the way. Not because I don't want to age or grow wiser, but because I don't want it all to be over so darn fast. I want to linger here for a while, savoring a few things a little longer. The past 13 years have slipped through my fingers. Trying to stop it was like trying to hold ice on a sultry South Carolina summer day. It just happened despite my best efforts.

So I guess that's it. I will fight the process, even though it's bound to happen regardless. It doesn't mean I have to like it....even if I know it's coming.

First day of Spring

The first day of Spring.

Warmer weather.

Bluer skies.

Color everywhere.

And the pollen. Oh so much pollen.

Happy Spring friends!

Discipline

We have learned a lot around here these days on the topic of discipline. Not the "you are in trouble" kind. But the "get it done" kind of discipline. It's been a topic of conversation lately. I am no stickler for grades because I think we have an archaic system. Whose to say that grades are actually a measure of what you are learning. But we live in a system that doesn't want to change and seems to keep measuring our kids by the same standard we know doesn't work.

I digress.

When I noticed Graham's grades starting to slip, I decided to dig a little deeper. Turns out, my child has the same disorder most of the world suffers from - lack of discipline. His grades have been slipping because he lacks the discipline most 12 year old boys lack. He's distracted with hormones and friends and electronics and life. Because being 12 is actually harder than it looks.

So our work together these days is in getting the hard work done first...for both of us. I have to make the calls I don't want to or deal with the my looming and inevitable taxes. He has to read that extra chapter and study for those quizzes he knows are coming. In turn, I report to him about my struggles with work and he reports to me about his where his struggles are with school. End result: we both have a cheerleader and we both crossed crappy tasks off our lists of things to do.

I think kids need to learn early on that their struggles are real. However, I think they need to realize they aren't alone in them. I never knew my parents struggled. Or other kids. I think it's okay to tell them a little bit of that. Mostly, I think it's important for them to know they are not alone in their battles. They have support.

So we are learning a lot about discipline right now. And elbow grease. And grit. And hard, hard work. Sweaty work. Getting your hands dirty work. Not just here. But all over our lives. And the result is going to be the harvest he reaps come report card day.

And if it all works out, we just might celebrate with a little gelato!

Feeling Blue

It's not easy being this girl...can't you tell?

Someone has a case of the blues today. Rainy days and busy people make for sad puppy dogs around these parts. I have been working my fanny off and haven't had as much time for fun with her. Not as many walks or balls thrown. And she feels it. Can't you tell.

Don't worry Bella. I see a happy forecast in your future of ball throwing and beach time. And that's a promise I can keep.

Healthy snacks

I have been working really hard the past few months on my nutrition and changing a few things. I have always been a healthy eater and enjoy most foods. I devour my Farm Share from Jim every week when it gets here in about 2 days flat. Nothing excites me more than fresh food.

As much as I like the fresh stuff, I find myself snacking on things I don't need. Cheese. Chips. Hummus. And being gluten free limits my choices some days.

So I have been working with my girl Jessie over at Best Kept Self on a nutrition plan that I can really get behind. And despite some road bumps (we shall never mention the smoothies again), I have done really well.

One of the things I have work hardest on is changing up the snacks...chips for kale chips sprinkled with sea salt. Cheddar cheese for edamame cooked to the perfect al dente texture. So far, I haven's missed much. Until the past few days at least. Nobody is perfect, right?

I have struggled these past few days with a sick child and a sick me. So when you need health to take a front seat and actually command some control, it somehow slips into the background making convenience take the wheel. Whatever is in my fridge seems to be what I grab for first. And whatever is good for me is out the door with any warm thoughts.

I saw the effect on good health a few weeks ago and it was amazing. I got the inevitable winter cold. For me, they usually last 2 weeks. This lasted 3 days. I was floored. It was the proof I needed. My body fat doesn't want to budge, but a cold running it's course in 3 days was PROOF of wellness.

So today, I will snack on kale chips. Tomorrow, I will down some fresh juice first thing. And pump up those vitamins. Because there is nothing better than a little TLC for yourself.

Sick days

These sick days are wearing us thin. Patience and joy seem to be hard to find in the midst of sniffles and coughs.

But snuggles with sweet puppies are always welcomed!

Make a wish...

My nephew, David, turned 21 yesterday. What a monumental occasion for such a great guy. Twenty one is a big age. Not just because you can drink alcohol. But because you really become the first version of yourself as an adult. It's the first of many big stepping stones to adulthood.

As he blew out the candles on his birthday dessert last night, I really thought about all those wishes I have made over the years. It made me wonder what I would do differently if I could go back to 21 and make all my wishes over again and how all those birthday wishes would be so very different. They would have less to do with financial riches and more to do with spiritual wealth and abundance. I would ask for much more clarity in matters of the heart. I would seek out inner peace and true joy instead of just - more. More money. More time. More love. More of what I don't need. Mostly, I would wish for the gift of my greater purpose here on this blue marble we call earth.

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I have wasted my life wishing for selfish things every year. It's just that I know I would ask more directly for purpose, clarity, joy, and peace.

From here on in, I think I will wish more clearly. Be it on the stars in the sky or the candles on my cake, I will wish for the juicy goodness that comes with our purpose.

Growth

Clear the weeds. Prep the soil. Level the dirt. Lay the groundwork for the big work to be done. Then you will grow bigger than ever you imagined.

look...and see.

Mysteries, Yes

Truly, we live with mysteries too marvelous
to be understood.

How grass can be nourishing in the
mouths of the lambs.
How rivers and stones are forever
in allegiance with gravity,
while we ourselves dream of rising.

How two hands touch and the bonds
will never be broken.
How people come, from delight or the
scars of damage,
to the comfort of a poem.

Let me keep my distance, always, from those
who think they have the answers.

Let me keep company always with those who say
"Look!" and laugh in astonishment,
and bow their heads.

—Mary Oliver

Welcoming Spring.

Over the years, there have been many symbols that showed me the onset of Spring. Changing temperatures are a clear sign. But it's those visual pieces that stir me to remember the joy that Spring ushers in with her arrival.

When I was a child, the crocus blooms peeking up through the melting snow in our backyard were my first sign of the excitement of Spring's approach. In high school and in college, the budding azaleas made me pull out my shorts and search for the sunscreen.  And later, the lovely daffodil bulbs that carpeted my backyard in the south were clear signs of the arrival of the party of Springtime.

In recent years though, I have bid farewell to Winter with the onset of these gorgeous blooms. The Tulip Magnolia is a sweet smelling spring tree that buds in my yard each year. I love what the tree (and really all of Spring) represents: rebirth and regeneration and growth and perseverance. The cycle of life - carrying on as it should - in beauty and grace.

So today was the magical day. Gloomy and cloudy and overcast and drizzly. But this has been trying to happen for a week and today was finally the day. I am so glad. Because all this means to me now is that spring is sitting on my doorstep, waiting for me to welcome it inside.