Skyward

“Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.”  Leonardo da Vinci
 

Learning to fly

I recently posted this photo of my boy on my personal Facebook page. It got some unusual attention from friends and family alike - not because it's a particularly good photograph, but perhaps because of the caption I wrote with it:

"My heart. Just roaming this planet. All exposed to the elements and the cruelty and the joys of life. With no protective gear. Just some love from his momma. I do love him ever so much."

I think this resonates with all of us, doesn't it.

To me, parenting is a lot like watching my heart roam naked around the planet. All the vulnerability we have is exposed to the elements - joy, pain, fear, frustration, love -  walking around with nothing to protect them. That's how it feels to be this person's mother.

When they are little it's easier. They stay closer. And the problems are more clear cut: I'm hungry. I'm tired. I'm wet. I'm frustrated. But as they grow and learn and start to spread their wings and fly, the issues life deals them aren't so black and white. Problems become more complicated. The topography of life changes - the dips in the road, the twists and turns, the mountains to climb...they are all there. And all you can do for them is sit and watch and hope you have done a good job at giving them a half-way decent road map to all of it.

As my son ages, the complexity of parenthood becomes more and more apparent. Gone are the days of kissing boo boos away, wiping the tears and giving him a Popsicle to forget his troubles. There are no more easy distractions from frustrations, pain or hurt. He is just there. Exposed to it all.

And learning to fly on his own.

Wherever the Road May Lead.

One of the many little alleyways of Charleston.

Wander. Explore. Discover. Try a different path. Go a new route. Experience something unique. You never know where that little road might take you.

Time for Summer

Time to sleep in and catch up. Time to stay up late and sleep in even later. Time to soak up the sunshine, let the wind blow our wild hair and smell the salty air for a few minutes more.

Time to read a book, eat some ice cream, watch a movie, and sleep in later than I should. Time for more sunsets on the beach with wine and warm water, laughter and love. Time for doing a little bit of nothing and a lot of everything.

Time for rest.

It's time for Summer.

Part of the Journey

Check the map. Check it twice. Know where you are headed. Not specifically, but generally. Know the direction. REALLY know it. Know the pit stops and time it takes. Just move in the general direction of your dreams.  Point your compass and go.

And don't worry. You will get there. Just know there will be bumps in the road. And detours along the way. It's all good. It's all just part of the journey.

Wonder

From a recent shoot at Ashley Hall School in Charleston, SC.

Never lose your sense of wonder, little one. Don't stop learning or dreaming or thinking about things - little bugs and big trees. Never forget to be curious about life, about the stars, about how this world actually goes on - day after day, year after year, producing more life and more variety than we can even imagine or see with our own eyes.

But, little one... never be the person who has to know all the answers. You don't. You don't have to know everything. Nobody does. After all, there is a freedom to not knowing things.

There is freedom in the wonder of it all.

The little things

Take time to appreciate the little things. In those details is where you will find your joy.

Welcome Back Summer

There is that one day for me every year that it suddenly feels like summer. The weather is warmer. The days are longer. And everyone's mood is lighter by far.

The day isn't marked on a calendar. It isn't circled in red marker with a highlighter over the word "Summer!" It just has a feel - sort of like I have crossed some invisible threshold to a space that allows me to linger a little longer and relax a little more. A place where I don't have to rush or wake up early or set a rigid schedule.

A day where we can all just say for a moment "Welcome back summer. Let's linger a while."

Tiny Squares

A recent snapshot from my Instagram feed.

In many ways, this is what my Spring has looked like. And at the very same time, this is also not at all how my Spring has looked. Sure, I have seen my fair share of new life, beautiful landscapes and miles of gorgeous green. But there are a lot of gaps that are here that you can't see at all. There have been spaces filled with heartbreak and hard times. Love and loss. And moments where tears filled my eyes and my days. But these moments were in there too. These were the snapshots of my days that I clung to in between those other - and often unbearable - times.

My reason for posting this is not to tell you I have had a hard spring. Nor is it to tell you I had an easy spring (which I did not). It wasn't written to share all too intimate and unnecessary details of my life (keeping things professional here). It's actually to remind us of something important.

We all know that Instagram and Facebook make everyone's lives look envious at best. But those are simply moments - snapshots in between the other parts. Everyone is carrying their burdens. Lots of people have laundry and chores and days filled with nothing but work and computers. Some people have crosses to bear that most often we cannot see - heartbreak, stress, struggles that don't appear in those tiny squares next to their napping cat or the pie theu just made from scratch. But we fill their gaps with a story that we are telling about them. We are filling the gaps with our story. However, that's not our job. Our job is to tell our story.

Whatever your story is on the inside is okay. Whatever story you are telling on the outside is okay too. It's all okay. Because it's your story. Some people want to only hear the good. And others want to hear the real parts - the meat and the details. (Those are special people. Keep them close. They will support you through the details.)  Just remember, you have to keep telling your story however you want to remember it, not how the rest of the world wants to see it. It is your story after all.

If I told you my story over the past 10 years - mostly it's been good. It has looked like this photo in my heart. But truthfully, I could tell you they have been the most formative and difficult 10 years of my life. I lost 2 parents. I said goodbye to countless aunts and uncles. And I even buried one of my sisters. I have raised a boy from toddlerhood to a blossoming teenager and bought a house. I took myself half way around the world, been on some fantastic trips, and loved many people. I have even shifted careers. But what I will most remember about these years is not the trial and tribulation. It's moments like the ones you see here...these snapshots of my life. They represent it all - new and old, big and small, bold and fragile, cloudy and bright.

It's all there looking back at me in those tiny squares. 

Girls

From my shoot yesterday at Ashley Hall School.

Look at you girls.

Confident. Strong. Able. Smart. Believing in yourselves. You seem joyful and full of heart.

My wish for you is this: remember this moment. When I captured you, you didn't seem worried about your hair. You weren't thinking about your thighs. You were happy and free and light. You were using your bodies to run and jump and stretch. You were using your minds to think and solve and create. You were using your hands to touch and make and feel.

In a few years, you will compare yourselves to the others around you. You will look at people and think they have it made. You will wonder why you never measure up. You will look at yourself in the mirror and question if you are enough for this big, scary, crazy, judgmental world.

STOP.

Don't do this.

Remember your shining face. Look at how gleeful you are. Beautiful, open, and full of heart.

That's where your value is. This is your happy place.

So go out there. Run. Play. Think. Create. Feel. Because on the inside, this is who you will always be. A carefree spirit with walls that have yet to be built. Only a foundation of strength and courage.

Whispers of Summer

Summer is on the way. She is whispering to us in the first blooms of the season. She is calling gently through her longer, lingering days. She is beckoning us with raising temperatures and promises of beaches and sand and salty, sun bleached hair.

Oh summer, you are coming back again....with your bounty and blooms and sun-kissed cheeks and everything that is good about you. I can hardly wait to float around in your wake right now.

Hurry up summer. We are waiting.

Windy Day

Let the wind carry you away. Let it move through you. Let it move the dust and move the debris you are carrying. Let it mess everything up. Let it blow up your skirt and mess up your hair. 

Let it uncover you. Let it expose those parts of you that felt uncomfortable and scary. Just so you can really see those parts you were hiding from all along.

Window Dressing

Charleston is full of gorgeous, well-maintained, overflowing, colorful window boxes. They dress the city in picture perfect color and texture, leaving the viewer to only imagine what's on the inside - a plentiful life filled with joy, warm meals, and loving hearts.

But as we all know, sometimes what's on the outside does not always reflect what is on the inside. We package ourselves neatly up to the world because the world doesn't always want to hear the ugly truth. We dress up all fancy - jewels and all - showing the world that the outside is what really counts. That way, meandering passers-by can feel good as they fantasize about our imaginary, perfectly curated lives that we present.

I have found that people don't always want to hear the big stuff. "How are you?" usually means "Tell me you are fine and we can both get on with our lives." But sometimes we want to show our real selves to the world - the scars and the pain we lug around every day are real and big. The battle we are fighting is huge. It's okay to need help with that. It's okay to look for solidarity in the eyes of a neighbor, a friend or a passer-by. Chances are they are just waiting to share their struggles too.

While I think some occasions call for keeping your cards close to you (the whole world doesn't always have to know your dirty laundry), I also think it's okay to share your pain on some levels. Because in that vulnerable, confusing space, we may just find the comfort of accepting ourselves just as we are - with or without that window dressing. 

Just as it should be

Just two 12 year old boys, doing 12 year old boy things.

I think we put a lot of pressure on kids these days. It seems to come from all directions too. There is pressure to get good grades, be great athletes, have loads of interests beyond the ordinary kids things, and be responsibly on their path to adulthood. It seems like we expect a great deal from them and leave little wiggle room for error from these learning, growing bodies and minds. They are expected to know so much at the young age of 12 and be able to self-regulate more than I ever remember doing at that age.

I have a very easy going boy who hasn't been hard to parent over these past 12 years. He hasn't needed much punishment. He follows most rules (I mean...he's 12...so, we are bound to break a few). And for the most part, he does what he is supposed to do.

When he has a misstep, I usually become overly frustrated with him. It's so out of character that I tend to probably react beyond what I should. I think this is in part to his easy nature coupled with the fact that he is physically larger than most children his age (he looks me eye to eye now and we haven't even started the real growing yet). I am always quick to assume he is beyond his years because of this, and as a result, typically forget in the moment that he is, after all, still just 12.

Twelve is a precarious age. His body is growing faster that you can say "GROWTH SPURT." But his mind is often still stuck in that little boy age - the age of nerf wars and yu-gi-oh card games. This age is a walking contradiction. The moodiness and boundary pushing are all part of the net result of the contrast between their growing bodies and their still underdeveloped little minds. Sure, hormones play a role in this, but I think this contrast and internal struggle are as much to blame for those epic moods I have been seeing these days.

While I am so excited to see what the world has to offer Graham and what Graham has to offer the world, I really still enjoy these moments that he is just a regular, ordinary, twelve year old boy - playing video games, making little inventions and having nerf wars with his buddies in the neighborhood.  I treasure this sweet time with him and never take these small moments for granted. There is a whole lifetime ahead of him to meet deadlines and worry about the future that I am happy to take that burden away from him for a little while. Don't get me wrong...I still am helping him become a responsible person - we meet school deadlines and requirements, have a black belt in karate and chores he tends to around the house. I just think for a while that he needs to just be here in this space.

Mom + Dad

"...you never really stop missing someone – you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence."  Alyson Noel

Every day, I think of them. But today, especially. Today I celebrate their presence in my life.

Flexing my wedding muscles

It's admittedly been a few months since I have flexed my wedding photography muscles. I have been busy with loads of families and commercial work - as well as some design that I also do. But yesterday, I dove headfirst into the wedding waters again. And what luck! A beautiful day with an adorable couple and the most simple wedding I have ever had the pleasure of shooting.

Congratulations to Ben and Janea! I am so happy I got to be a part of this day with you! I wish you many many years of a happy marriage and a long life filled with love and joy and - most of all - peace.

There is only love.

Some days I want to jump in and swim to the other side. Float into the land of glee and ease where the clouds are made of cotton candy and the stars twinkle like diamonds in the night sky.

In my mind, the other side is cool and sunny with soft grass beneath your feet. It's filled with music and laughter, with the right amounts of everything. The other side has just enough of everything, but never too much of anything.

On the other side there is no pain or hurt. There is no anger. No frustrations. On the other side, there is only love.

There is only love.

Grateful for what is....

I have been missing a little of the light lately. I am busy at my desk with too much to do and not enough time to do it.

I have been feeling depleted. Too many things have been pulling at me and I haven't had the will to work them all out. I feel the need to put the brakes on and stop everything. I feel the need to take care of me.

Sometimes, though, moments like this happen. Even when you are in a hurry running from appointment to commitment, life pulls you in and begs you to stop and stare. I really almost don't remember taking this photo, but I am glad I did. Because every time I see it as I have scrolled through the photos on my phone this week, I breathe a deep sigh of relief and become grateful for what is instead of what isn't.

Love the seeds.

"You must scatter the seeds. Love the seeds. Have complete faith in the seeds. Only then, will they become all that you hope for."  Unknown

Harvesting

While harvesting has to be one of the most rewarding experiences, I can't help but see how it can be one of the most arduous tasks. Just when you think that you can coast into a comfortable place, you realize that there is mountains of work left to be done. Perhaps all those seeds didn't take. Or maybe they got taken by something. Maybe your crop got too much sun or rain. It's here that you find out.  And even after you reap your bountiful or pitiful harvest, you are still in for the work... the cleaning, the storing, the bottling, the canning, the preserving and the cooking. The work is never really done. It just continues in a new form. But the gratitude for the work done and the reward in front of you should always remain strong and big in your heart.