iphone
Saying farewell to summer these last few days has been bittersweet. I am always surprised at how fast it goes by. It somehow feels like trying to hold water with an open hand....something stays. But most of it slips away before we even knew it was there to begin with.
Until we meet again next year, Summer. I'll be waiting for you.
The Dave Matthews Band last week at the N. Charleston Coliseum. Taken with my trusty iPhone.
How do we stand out in a crowd? How do we become noticed instead of one of the masses? How do we move from the crowd onto the stage and into the spotlight of our own lives?
I watched an interview with Dave Matthews (yes, THAT Dave Matthews) a few weeks ago. In the interview, he spoke about a turning point in his life. He said when he was young, singing in the living room his father turned to him and said "Son, you sing so well that you can even sing off key on purpose. That's incredible!" This was a turning point for him. He said he knew at that moment he was going to be a musician. That became his belief. That became his mission. He knew he loved what he did, but one person validated him and it was a done deal.
As a photographer, I think about following my passion and standing out in a sea of talent almost daily. The quest for getting noticed can be real and strong at times - much the same as I imagine musicians to feel. So what is it that puts you in the spotlight over a million others out there? Is it luck? Confidence? Kindness? Sheer determination and a will? Or is it someone believing in you just like Dave Matthews' father did for him all those years ago?
I think it's perhaps a combination of elements for most of us. But what I know for sure is that the more you believe you can do it, the more likely it will be to happen for you. Like any energy in the world, it just needs something to get started. A spark. A drop. Something to give it momentum and speed.
Just remember, always, that the spark starts with you first.
A little look at our iPhone summer.
Summertime in Charleston is full of beach days and pool time, flip flops and wet swimsuits, picnics and prosecco.
We don't always have the budget to travel to exotic locations every year or to go on exciting adventures every weekend. But we do have the budget to go to the beach for a few hours to ride the waves, search for sharks teeth (my new summer obsession) or watch a few sherbet-colored clouds float by the fading summer sky.
We get to dance for a little while longer under these lovely, lingering summer skies. And I plan on doing more of this. More meals by the sea. More days lived by the rhythm of the waves. More schedules set by sunrises and sunsets. And come August 15th, I will sigh a little more heavily as our once simple days wash out in the waves once more.
Often when the tides are changing, things can get a little tricky.
On the surface things can look smooth and easy, like the world is just floating along as it should be. But those undercurrents can be tricky. They sweep you away faster than you'd like, down paths you didn't think you wanted to go. So you spend your time paddling, treading water...forever trying not to get sucked under.
But sometimes that current sweeps you exactly in the direction you want to float. And instead of paddling and fighting, you simply need to float in the direction it's all taking you. Wistfully and blissfully... not fighting a thing.
That current can be confusing though. The very nature of getting swept away – even if it's in the right direction – can lead you to want to fight. When all you are used to doing is fighting a current, you can't help the feeling. You are always prepared for the fight.
Trust. Let go. Have faith that you will end up where you need to be doing exactly what you were meant to be doing.
I am in a summer daze. A hazy, lazy summer daze. I can't shake it off. And I really don't want to. I want these lingering days to last forever. Beach picnics at sunset and surfing into the dark hours of the day. I want to stay inside these in between days of spring and summer where the sun is shining and the breeze is cool and all I do is buck the Rules of Life.
It's here I want to lay my head and rest a while. I want to float around and get comfortably lazy with our schedules and Lists of Things To Do. I want to smile into the setting sun and thank her for yet another glorious day of life and give gratitude for the things that make the rest of it a little more palatable.
So here I will stay for a while with arms outstretched into the blue skies, laughing into the ocean winds again. Here is where I will be until the Summer turns her prickly heat on me once again.
Summer is here. Just like that.
For us, it isn't marked on a calendar or a clock. It isn't measured by the moon or the sun or the tilt of the earth. It arrives the day we drop our schedules and routines for something looser and a little more free. It arrives on a Tuesday at 5:37PM, when we are tired of homework and supper routines and classes and deadlines. It happens when we throw caution to the wind and finally sigh under our breath, "Summer is here. It's finally here."
Welcome back, Summer. I can't wait to float around gently and purposeless in your wake.
In my experience, there is no other way to be a mother than to get down in the muddy pit of it all. Roll around in it. Get it all over you. You wear it - in your hair, on your clothes, on your breath - like a badge of sleep-deprived, showerless pride.
There is no tiptoeing in the shallow end of the pool of motherhood. From day 1, being a mom is like being blasted from a cannon into the middle of icy waters with no life preserver. And there is no other way to make it to the other side other than swim like hell and hope to stay afloat. Each day brings it's challenges. Each day you only hope to make it through. But every day is an epic battle that you may or may not have won.
Somewhere in navigating the mess – the tears, the smiles, the hardships, the joy, the pain, the worry and the love – it all comes together. We all somehow make it through to the other side. Perhaps we are a little more battered and bruised, but our hearts grow bigger and fuller each day with a love we could never imagine before this wild ride.
Motherhood is gritty. And hard. And confusing. From what I can see of this track, it's a wild, messy and scary ride to the bitter end. So hold on tight and buckle up. And enjoy the feeling of your stomach flipping from your feet to you throat over and over again. It's one wild ride.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mommas I know out there. The ones who made me and the ones who raised me!
(NOTE - this post was conveniently and not ironically forgotten about during Mother's Day weekend and a particularly busy week! Ooooops)
When I need to regroup, recharge or just or restart myself on a new track during the day, I often come out here on my back deck and look at this view. I take a long, deep breath and pause to find 3 things I am grateful for so I can continue on with my day - hopefully a little lighter than when I started.
Mostly, this is an easy task. But in the past few years, I have struggled with some serious stress and hardship life decided to toss my way. It has made it excruciatingly hard to be present - particularly when your heart is not anywhere near you.
So what about those days when it IS difficult to find balance. What about those days that are hard and complicated and confusing? Or the days that are filled with angst and frustration? How do you find gratitude there? How do you look to find your happy place in those moments?
Honestly, some days I just don't. Some days I just fail miserably. And those are the worst days. But the best part is that I am trying. I always try to find the joy. It's a practice we all work hard for most days.
So I keep showing up here...on my porch. Some days, I have a tea and a smile and so much gratitude my heart could explode. Other days, I am pacing with anxiety or on the verge of tears. It's always different, just like each unique day. The point is, you have to always try. You have to keep showing up and without letting the present get away from you.
So I will keep showing up...right here on this porch. I will keep looking for the present within my heart while seeing the gift of what is real right in front of me.
We are all standing on the edge. Nobody can be certain of what's to come and take us away or what will be left at our feet. Some days, there are small treasures to be found in the tides that change before our eyes. And others, it feels like there is nothing left...that everything has been taken away in the current and swept back out to sea, leaving us empty handed and broken.
One thing I know is that the treasures will come. If you stand still long enough in the same spot, they will be deposited at your feet like gifts from the sea. If you move, you will find them if you look hard enough. But the treasures will always find you. No matter what.
Be patient. And breathe. It will all come in due time.
I remember all of the things that I thought I wanted to be
So desperate to find a way out of my world and finally breath
Right before my eyes I saw my heart, it came to life
This ain't easy it's not meant to be
Every story has it's scars
When the pain cuts you deep
When the night keeps you from sleeping
Just look and you will see
That I will be your remedy
When the world seems so cruel
And your heart makes you feel like a fool
I promise you will see
That I will be, I will be your remedy
No river is too wide or too deep for me to swim to you
Come whatever I'll be the shelter that won't let the rain come through
Your love, it is my truth
And I will always love you...
Love you
When the pain cuts you deep
When the night keeps you from sleeping
Just look and you will see
That I will be your remedy
When the world seems so cruel
And your heart makes you feel like a fool
I promise you will see
That I will be, I will be your remedy
When the pain cuts you deep
When the night keeps you from sleeping
Just look and you will see
I will be, I will be
When the world seems so cruel
And your heart makes you feel like a fool
I promise you will see
That I will be, I will be, I will be...
Your Remedy
- Adele
There is no time to worry when you press pause for a moment and take it all in.
Breathe in peace. Breathe out fear.
Breathe in calm. Breathe out angst.
Breathe in love. Breathe out hate.
Just breathe it in.
A Full moon high tide at Shem Creek. Taken with my iPhone 6.
There are things I know for certain.
One of the things I know is that change will come, regardless of whether I want it to or not. And no matter how predictable that change, it still can catch me a little off guard. I know the seasons change, but when that happens is never determined perfectly on a calendar or clock. I know, too, that the tides will come and go, but the size of those tides is sometimes a little unpredictable and leaves behind flood waters so deep, I am not quite sure how to navigate them.
I find the best way to get through change - whether wanted or not - is be fluid. Change always seems to happen on its own terms. When I am anticipating it and wishing for it, it takes it's time getting to me. And when I begrudge it, it seems to happen more swiftly than I would have hoped for, ignorant to my pleas of mercy.
I find that the more I fight change, the less energy I have for the important things - like puzzles and beach walks and sunset chats. So now when change comes my way, I just try take a deep breath and close my eyes and remember - This, too, shall pass.
I have been here before...standing in these flood waters. So now, when the change comes again, I will be more prepared to breathe into those heavy currents.
Scenes from a summertime walk. Sticky weather. Salty air. And sulfury smells.
I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.
Look around you. There is something beauty full right around you.
You just have to want to see it.
A little nourishment to start your day. Fresh, clean, organic...pure love.
A recent snapshot from my Instagram feed.
In many ways, this is what my Spring has looked like. And at the very same time, this is also not at all how my Spring has looked. Sure, I have seen my fair share of new life, beautiful landscapes and miles of gorgeous green. But there are a lot of gaps that are here that you can't see at all. There have been spaces filled with heartbreak and hard times. Love and loss. And moments where tears filled my eyes and my days. But these moments were in there too. These were the snapshots of my days that I clung to in between those other - and often unbearable - times.
My reason for posting this is not to tell you I have had a hard spring. Nor is it to tell you I had an easy spring (which I did not). It wasn't written to share all too intimate and unnecessary details of my life (keeping things professional here). It's actually to remind us of something important.
We all know that Instagram and Facebook make everyone's lives look envious at best. But those are simply moments - snapshots in between the other parts. Everyone is carrying their burdens. Lots of people have laundry and chores and days filled with nothing but work and computers. Some people have crosses to bear that most often we cannot see - heartbreak, stress, struggles that don't appear in those tiny squares next to their napping cat or the pie theu just made from scratch. But we fill their gaps with a story that we are telling about them. We are filling the gaps with our story. However, that's not our job. Our job is to tell our story.
Whatever your story is on the inside is okay. Whatever story you are telling on the outside is okay too. It's all okay. Because it's your story. Some people want to only hear the good. And others want to hear the real parts - the meat and the details. (Those are special people. Keep them close. They will support you through the details.) Just remember, you have to keep telling your story however you want to remember it, not how the rest of the world wants to see it. It is your story after all.
If I told you my story over the past 10 years - mostly it's been good. It has looked like this photo in my heart. But truthfully, I could tell you they have been the most formative and difficult 10 years of my life. I lost 2 parents. I said goodbye to countless aunts and uncles. And I even buried one of my sisters. I have raised a boy from toddlerhood to a blossoming teenager and bought a house. I took myself half way around the world, been on some fantastic trips, and loved many people. I have even shifted careers. But what I will most remember about these years is not the trial and tribulation. It's moments like the ones you see here...these snapshots of my life. They represent it all - new and old, big and small, bold and fragile, cloudy and bright.
It's all there looking back at me in those tiny squares.
Have patience. The fog always seems thickest just before it lifts away to reveal blue skies and sunshine.
The winds of change are coming. Blowing in from a new direction and bringing with it the waters to wash away the dust and debris that remains. Don't be afraid, friend. Embrace it - the wind, the rain, the dark times. The storm can be a bumpy ride. But in the end, the sunshine will come out and shine it's magical light in all the places that were once covered up and waiting to be found again.
The well-worn, tree-lined path of McLeod Plantation.
Sometimes the path is clear and open, lined with lovely oaks, dappled with clear sunshine leading to a clear destination on the other end. Other times the path you come across is overgrown and unclear. The uncharted territory ahead can make you confused and question whether or not you should follow that well traveled, worn path that so many have taken before you. Do they know something you don't? Or do they like knowing the outcome?
Me...well, I have always seemed to hike through the overgrown brush. I must like a good challenge. The outcome is never guaranteed and the direction can be confusing at times, but in the end I believe the destination and views will be well worth the effort. And even though all the other followers know where they are ending - somewhere safe, warm and dry - doesn't mean their ending will be any more gratifying or their views any more clear than where I find myself in the end.
So I will forge ahead - doing what I want and marching to my own drum. Because if nothing more, the small discoveries I make along the way will be worth all that hard work.
The twisted and turning branches of the live oaks form a canopy like no other. Their arms gracefully shield us from the elements of life - protecting us from anything too harsh to see and encasing us in their webbed safety net like a flock of mother hens.
I want to stay here forever under the strong arms of Mother Nature. I want to linger in her cocoon of love and protection. I want to be guarded by her stature against the odds of life. I want to lay safe with her and rest happy, knowing she can keep out the bigger problems surrounding our souls.
